Leo, the Gore Wanna-be

I've now got a bone to pick with Leonardo DiCaprio, or DiCraprio as my brother, sister and I like to call him while chortling snarkily. Yes, we are puerile. I also can barely get my words out from snickering whenever I call my brother "Phil-do" or when we make fun of my Mother's Scottish brogue, which she oddly hasn't lost even after 40 years here. He's twenty-five and I'm thirty mumble mumble, yet we still find this to be the height of humor. Envious of our sharp Michael Ian Black -like (I love him) wit? You want to hang with us now, don't you?

Anyhoo, I keep tabs on DiCraprio just to have tidbits handy for our next familial insult fest. Discovered today that he is jumping on the Al Bore (another one of our fabulous turns of phrase) bandwagon and has made a dire warning/global warming movie. Turns out, DiCraprio might actually be an accurate name, as he apparently does have, in fact, shit for brains.

Harsh, you may think. But not once you realize his film doesn't even attempt to debate the very existence of global warming. It takes it as a given and claims we evil humans HAVE changed the climate. It also offers such esoteric questions as "how did mankind let nature deteriorate to this point?

DiCaprio defended Gore from criticism over the amount of energy he has been reportedly using to jet around the world and to run his home.

"Don't shoot the messenger", he said. "This person is trying to relay a message to the public and the way that he travels should not be splayed out like that."

DiCaprio said it should be oil companies that came under scrutiny and that the Government should make systematic change.

The US star said he took steps in his own life to reduce global warming, telling the famous film festival: "I do try to live my life in a green manner. I have installed solar panels in my house and the car that I drive is a hybrid one."

Yo, Leo....glad you drive some wussy hybrid ( how often do you actually DRIVE yourself?) and all, but what about that Thai beach you desecrated for no good reason. To film The Beach? Which was an utter waste of time, energy and nature (did anyone SEE that movie? And, if so, will you admit to it? )

As for "not splaying out" (whatever that means) how the wise and almighty Goreacle travels because he brings a message to us, the lowly public, who are greedily doing things like heating our apartments and suburban homes and driving to REAL jobs as opposed to whisking off in private jets, heating and lighting 20,000 s.f. homes or staging HUGE stadium rock concerts to promote the conservation of energy (explain that one to me), I've got a message for you --- hypocrisy, thy name is Leo. There, now I'm a messenger. Which must mean, based on your own reasoning, that I can now expand my carbon footprint exponentially with no guilt. What a relief!

Also revealed at the Cannes premiere was this insight into Leo's galactically huge ego and complete lack of understanding of irony; "Asked after the premiere of "The 11th Hour" whether he had taken a fuel-guzzling jet on his way to the French Riviera, the "Titanic" star spat back sarcastically: "No, I took a train across the Atlantic." I see, you HAD to. Sort of like how you HAD to destroy your neighbor's trees and plants to build your private basketball court.

Hmm, Leo, pot. kettle. black. To use one of Kevin Godlington's favorite phrases, which is also one of my favorites along with Meow (said after a bitchy insult, obviously). Last suggestion, Leo. Don't emulate your hero, Al Gore, too much. I suspect fat and bitter is not a good look for you.