Welcome Back, Smoker!

At least according to one upstart airline, who says Thank You For Smoking.

DUESSELDORF, Germany -- At the international airport in this western German city, smokers are shunned. If you want to light up, you're restricted to a handful of bars in the terminal, or else stuck puffing on the dingy street outside.

Soon, however, tobacco lovers from around the world could be beating a path to Duesseldorf. A start-up airline based here plans to offer long-haul luxury flights -- to Asia, at first -- that cater to smokers, countering a decades-long global trend that has made it impossible to enjoy a cigarette on most passenger flights.

The new airline is called, naturally, Smoker's International Airways, or Smintair for short. The founder is a local entrepreneur who promises a return to the days when air travel was considered glamorous, when stewardesses were happy to bring you a glass of scotch, and when smoking in the lavatory didn't risk criminal prosecution.

This fabulous new airline might very well be the answer to my recent (and of no particular origin excepting oddity) debilitating and admittedly pathetic fear of flying. The very idea of sending the militant anti-smoking crusaders into an apoplectic fit is reason enough. Add in booze and food and it is heavenly. Why drink and drive when you can drink, smoke and fly? (note: I don't really drink and drive, but I do have.....surprise surprise, NOT....an issue with the obnoxiously low blood alcohol level laws. I'm kind of small. ONE drink puts me right at the legal limit)

The only catch is that the only flights at first will be from Germany to Japan, as apparently 1/3 of Japanese adults smoke and 1/4 of Germans smoke which is shocking considering that smoking is the evil of all evils, yet Japan is quite the healthy nation. The healthiest, in fact. How can this be? With all that 2nd hand smoke floating about? Perplexing! Anyhoo, sadly neither Germany or Japan are anywhere within my proximity. oh yeah, and I'm not rich. The flights will start at around $6,000 a ticket. I do, nonetheless, now have a humongous crush, sight unseen, on the founder of the airline, Mr.Schoppmann (or is it Herr?). Just take a look at what is posted on the airline's Job portal:

Allergics to any kind of smoke or aviation specific conditions, militant Anti-Smokers, or people with other social deficiencies are kindly asked to not apply"

Tee hee! What's not to love? And there's more!:

"People think the cabin will be full of smoke, which is bollocks," he said. "The air on Smintair will be more refreshing than on a normal flight. You will not even notice the smell of somebody smoking a cigarette or pipe in the next seat."

Not that there's anything inherently unhealthy about tobacco smoke, insists Schoppmann, who adds that he doesn't believe a word of the warning labels printed on tobacco products. He's already gotten into a public spat with the World Health Organization, dismissing public health concerns over secondhand smoke as "the biggest scam of all times."

"I'm just another healthy smoker," said Schoppmann, who inhales about a pack a day. "I haven't seen a sick smoker in my life. The only thing I see are sick nonsmokers, and they are always sick with all sorts of crap."

Again, genius Mr. (Herr) Schoppman! 'Tis true; militant non-smokers do seem to suffer from every allergy and ailment known to man. And everyone I know who flies does often get some sort of bug after their trip. It seems as if airlines figured that once the dastardly smoke was gone, then no need to crank up the air circulating thingies. Uh, what about ACTUAL health risks (as I must note the preponderence of studies indicating 2nd hand smoke has next to ZERO adverse health effects) and not just convenient scapegoats? Like real germs? Screeching toddlers? And rancid body odor? OK, the last two are just pet peeves of mine and minor inconveniences (hmm, like passive smoke), but the germs part is real.

An aside: I, out of morbid curiosity and a sad need to punish myself, perused some liberal blogs regarding this airline story. As you can imagine, they were filled with the expected "oh gross. It won't last because smart people will refuse to be exposed to such evil carcinogens" proving once again that they have a hard time either reading or comprehending or both. Hello? You don't HAVE to fly on that airline. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure you'd be hard-pressed to afford the ticket price what with your being unemployed students, professional "protesters" and full-time Health Nannies and all. The worst comments of the bunch were ones that actually stated thing like "I hope they all get cancer". Not kidding. Nice, huh? The wonderfully compassionate and caring "progressives" at work.

Hey, I have an idea. Stop imposing your choices on others. No one will FORCE you to fly on a vile smoking plane. Unlike how you FORCE smokers to fly on a boring, germ-filled, nicotine withdrawal hell, smokeless flight.

Before this turns into a tome (yes, I do ramble. Apologies!), I'll leave off with wishing much success to Smintair! And a thank you for doing your part for freedom and personal choice. If I ever win the lottery, I'll be sure to book a flight with you forthwith. Hint, hint: I'd love a trip to Australia. Try to fit that into your later flight patterns. Thanks!

A new career? Take that, Betty Friedan!

I can't help but think this new career enterprise is the brain child of one Mr. Kevin Godlington. Pure genius? Or setting back my anti-feminist movement for years?

The women of Tiger Time Lawn Care offer to mow customers' lawns dressed in bikinis - a service that attracts more attention to the ladies than the lawns.

"Oh yeah, they honk and yell. They can do everything you can imagine," said employee Blair Beckman, 21. Beckman said the extra attention is expected, but she looks on the bright side.

"You get the attention but you also get a tan, which I need," Beckman said.

Owner Lee Cathey said the bikini service makes mowing the lawn a lot more interesting, although the fee is slightly higher.

"The yards definitely get more attention when there's a bikini on the lawn," Cathey said. Some customers sit in lawn chairs and have a beer while watching, he said.

The three-month-old company is looking for a way to expand the service through the end of summer. "In the fall we'll go pick up leaves in the bikinis if need be," Cathey said.

Cathey said there hasn't been any interest in a male version of the bikini lawn cut.

I'm conflicted. On the one hand, no no no! And No again. That's Men's work! What self respecting woman would mow a lawn? Gross! Sweaty (and not in a good way) and dirty and machine-y! I refuse, absolutely REFUSE, to even learn how to turn one on. I have my principles and all; I am a staunch Anti-Feminist. Seriously, mowing the lawn is almost as bad as changing your own car tire. Which is utterly unheard of in my mind. Far easier, and more womanly to use your wiles. Work up a good fake cry, pout prettily and watch while a man does the job. Who needs ya, Gloria Steinem? Not I and that is for damn certain. Women need Feminists like fish need bicycles, I say.

On the other hand, the tan part IS a huge bonus. As is the attention part (I add, pathetically). Not to mention the absolute and total objectification of women, which should serve to provide GREAT strides for the anti-feminism movement (which I plan to spear head. Once my daughter is in school and I can, thus, devote my full time to the Cause).

I must mull on this one a bit. But I am swiftly leaning towards evil genius.

However, I do find it quite sad that there is no interest in a bikini-clad male service. Well, I admit that I partially understand it because NO man looks good in a Speedo. I repeat, for all you men out there suffering from delusions.....NO man. However, I would hire, say, Andrew Levy, to mow my lawn shirtless and in swim trunks. Yum! (I say whilst simpering and blushing so as to appear lady-like and proper. And feminine. As opposed to the wretched and dreaded Feminist)

So... about that Senator David "I have sinned" Vitter

So, the D.C. Madam's little black book suddenly got a little more interesting recently with the revelation that Louisiana Senator David Vitter appeared in the call logs several times.

A Republican U.S. senator who admitted to "serious sin" after he was linked last week to a Washington escort service apologized for the sex scandal on Monday, but said he will go back to work.

Sen. David Vitter, a social conservative who has routinely touted family values, said his undescribed sins occurred several years ago, implying that his misdeeds were behind him. He accused enemies of dredging up the scandal to hurt him....

Vitter's phone number was found five times in phone records dating from 1999 to 2001 for "D.C. Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey, who is accused of running a prostitution ring in Washington, the New Orleans Times-Picayune reported last week. Palfrey has said she operated a legal escort service.

Vitter issued a statement on July 9 admitting to "a very serious sin in my past," then went into seclusion.

When I heard the news, my first thought was that the real shocking story would have been if a Louisiana politician was NOT on the list. I'm pretty sure you have to be corrupt in some way to achieve election in Louisiana. Or New Jersey (uh, Governor McGreevy AND Governor Corzine. Not to mention all of Hudson County).

First, it is amusing reading the Reuters article, whose bias is clearly showing. If Senator Vitter was a Democrat, the article most certainly would have been written very differently. With phrases like "personal issue" and "years ago" and "unrelated to his work in the Senate" used willy nilly. Instead of the phrases, snidely written, like "misdeeds", "has touted family values", "implying it is behind him", "accused enemies"etc. Also, I have noticed that whenever it is a Republican involved in any sort of scandal, their party is the first or second word in the article. When it is a Democrat, you have to search (sometimes even to no avail) for the party affiliation. Doesn't change anything, of course. I just find it amusing and rather telling.

As for the actual acts by the Senator, I admit to feeling badly for the dude. Five "escort" service calls in 2 years isn't THAT bad. Plus, he's hot. And is a fairly reliable vote in the Senate. However, the hypocrisy is quite annoying; He is a rather staunch Social Conservative and, thus, is usually preaching about Family Values. Yet another case of "Physician, Heal Thyself".

In contrast to roguish Louisiana politicians of the past, he portrayed himself as a squeaky-clean reformer against immorality and corruption.

Vitter went to Washington in 1999 after winning a special election to replace Rep. Bob Livingston, who had resigned in a sex scandal.

Republican leaders have mostly been quiet or given lukewarm support to Vitter, but there have been scattered calls for his resignation.

"If he doesn't resign, the Republican Party will lose the moral high ground," said Vincent Bruno, a member of the Louisiana Republicans state executive committee. "We have portrayed ourselves as being the moral party."

Tee hee.....does anyone else find the irony funny? The fact that Senator Vitter replaced Bob Livingston, who resigned under the cloud of a sex scandal? And if memory serves, Rep Livingston's "scandal" was fairly tame.

This, meaning sex, is an area where I break from the Conservatives. I don't believe that being a bit of a slut (female OR male) and being a good person are mutually exclusive. Especially for men; I do believe it is partly their nature to want to plow many fields, so to speak. Yes, the sanctity of marriage should be respected in a perfect world, and I'm personally a fan of monogamy, but humans aren't perfect. Plus, he went to hookers.....oops, I mean "escorts". To me, that is less serious than an actual one on one girlfriend/mistress relationship. An "escort" is clearly just about sex, which isn't as intimate as a real, loving relationship (that hopefully does involve good, regular sex, but not ONLY sex). But, I've been told that I'm a bit odd and too man-like in my thinking, so most women might not agree with me here. A lot of men will, though, and therein lies the difference. Either way, not my business. It is between him and his wife. To my knowledge, there is no sexual harassment lawsuit involved (cough cough President Clinton), so it truly IS a personal issue.

And, yes, I do admit that it does speak to one's judgment, or lack thereof, but it still isn't as bad as, say, strapping on a suicide bomb vest and launching yourself into a shopping mall. Or bamboozling half the World with some sort of pyramid Carbon Offset scam (I'm talking to you Al Gore). So, cut the dude some slack. I'm sure his wife will be making him pay. Passive aggressively. For years. Over and over again. That's punishment enough.

Harry Karry

The House voted today to pass a Bill starting the "phased withdrawal" of troops from Iraq beginning in 120 days with the final phase leaving in April. However, they failed to mention HOW that plan is good for anyone, especially our troops. Why ANNOUNCE your retreat date? The troops remaining for the final phases will be literal sitting ducks. As Travis, a Marine, posted to Kevin Godlington's forum "You cannot say you support the troops and at the same time not want them to succeed."

I'm loathe to give opinions on what should be done in Iraq, as I am clearly unqualified to do so and I won't presume to speak for the men and women who are putting their very lives on the line. But, I do feel qualified, as a non-sheeple, thinking and (sometimes) rational citizen, to choose to put more stock in the feelings and beliefs of the actual military, than that of privileged, old dudes in Washington, D.C. with ZERO military knowledge or experience. One of the worst, in my opinion, is Senator Harry Reid. CNN ran the following video, which shows that besides putting our troops at greater risk, a pull-out will not bode well for the Iraqis. It is worth noting that CNN must have been cringing as they ran the video, as they put the words "Some Iraqis Believe US Troops Should Leave Immediately" all while the Iraqis speaking are saying things like "If I don’t see U.S. forces in front of me, I feel scared."





Shockingly (and wonderfully) a what can only be described as Liberal reporter cornered Senator Reid today to ask about just that; the Iraqi people. The transcript follows below.
I'll let it speak for itself and end my vent here. What say y'all? Solutions? Proposals? Agree on the ass-ness (assity?) of Senator Reid, et al.?

From today's press conference with the Senate Democratic leaders.

I tried to get an answer to what I blogged earlier today.

I did not succeed.

TAPPER: Senator Reid, what do you say to critics who say, "Look, the Senate voted, including two of you up on the stage, to authorize the president to use force in Iraq. Is there not a moral obligation of the United States to make sure that the Iraqi people are safe before the U.S. withdraws"? It's very clear that withdrawing U.S. troops might make U.S. troops safer, but it won't necessarily make the Iraqi people safer.

SENATE MAJORITY LEADER HARRY REID, D-NEV: As reported in the news this morning, 69 percent of Iraqis feel they are less safe because of the presence of Americans; 21 percent of the Iraqi people feel they're safer. That's pretty clear that American troops who are over there protecting the Shias, the Sunnis and the Kurds -- they're not welcome. That's the reason that they're doing a good job of protecting the Shias, Kurds and Sunnis, but they are all trying to kill our soldiers. That is a recipe to bring our troops home. And that's why the Levin-Reed amendment is so critically important. …It transitions the mission within 120 days, and by the first day of May of next year, our troops will be out of there, our combat troops will be out of there. They will be left to do counterterrorism, training the Iraqis -- continuing to train the Iraqis and protecting our resources. That's what the Iraqi people want and that's what American people want.

TAPPER: I'm sorry, if I could just follow up very quickly...Do you think the Iraqi people will be safer with U.S. troops out?

REID: It is clear that the Iraqi people don't want us there. It is clear that there is now a state of chaos in Iraq. And it is up to the Iraqi people to make themselves safe….We can't do it. It's time the training wheels come off and they take care of their own country. We have spent billions dollars. We're now spending $12 billion a month on Iraq. That's enough. In the last six months of the surge, six months, 600 more dead Americans, $60 billion more of American taxpayers' money. We, Democrats, unitedly believe that's enough.

TAPPER: With all due respect, Senator, you didn't answer my question.

REID: OK. This is not a debate.

TAPPER: Will the Iraqis be safer?

REID: We're answering questions. (calling on someone else) Yes, young man? Anyone else have a question?

Much Ado About Nothing

Pathetically, I must admit that I was waiting with voyeuristic bated breath for the release of the infamous "blackmail" photos of Miss New Jersey. Partly because I need a life, partly because I was born and raised in New Jersey, but mostly because New Jersey has a slutty pageant reputation and all. Miss New Jersey USA, for instance, was booted this year for getting knocked up. Out of wedlock, no less! The horror!

Sadly, what a huge let-down these "risque" photos were. They were so not scandalous and, frankly, boring. They weren't even up to real New Jersey trashy standards! I've more revealing photos on Kevin Godlington's Charitable Demon website, for goodness sake.

(CBS/AP) NEW YORK Miss New Jersey will be able to keep her crown despite photos she admits show her acting "not in a ladylike manner," pageant officials said Thursday.

Hours after a nervous Amy Polumbo went public with photos of herself that had been sent anonymously to pageant officials, board members decided the pictures did not merit stripping her of her title.

Polumbo's lawyer, Anthony Caruso, said that a person or persons claiming to be The Committee to Save Miss America threatened to make the photos public unless she resigned her title.

"Nothing you post on the Internet is private," she said. "You have to be careful because there are people out there who will ruin your reputation."

Her pageant cause was protecting children from Internet predators.

The pictures include one showing what Polumbo said was her boyfriend apparently biting her breast through her shirt, another of Polumbo in a limousine wearing jeans with her legs spread in the air and another of her in what appears to be a Halloween costume dress holding two small pumpkins up to her breasts.

Uh, no offense meant Miss Polumbo (I do like that the pageants don't insist on "Ms."), but you are JUST learning that the Internet isn't private? Common sense isn't your strong suit, huh? Not part of your talent? Irony must be, though......your "cause" is protecting children from Internet predators. Again, uh, didn't the fact that there are Internet predators tip you off to the Internet NOT BEING PRIVATE? (Yelling, as that is how I talk to people who are dense. I tend to confuse deaf and dumb).

Well, at the least, perhaps you'll score some pity and/or publicity points with the Judges at the pageant. I fear you'll need something; the fact that your breasts are entirely covered by teeny tiny pumpkins does not bode well for your chances. That (or those. Or the lack of those), and the fact that you are from New Jersey. (I can say that as I am a Joisey Girl, originally. If you are not from Joisey, don't attempt to mock us. We'll whack ya. Hello? Sopranos?)

Robo Crap!

Well, I must be far out of the loop, as I was unaware that man on man action in public restrooms had reached such "crisis" level. In Fort Lauderdale, Florida at least. Mostly because I didn't realize that George Michael apparently has a home there, which is the only explanation I can imagine for the reason the public restrooms have been rendered Party Central.

Yes, the Government has sunk to a new low. I didn't think that was possible, but I was wrong. Very, very wrong. As it appears that Fort Lauderdale's esteemed Mayor is planning to install Robo-crappers in the public restrooms. What are robotic toilets, you ask? They are toilet stalls rigged to have the door OPEN UP on you while in the midst of elimination if it deems you are taking "too long". Yes, if you overstay your welcome, the door will open up and leave you exposed for all the world (or at least the restroom and possibly youtube if a camera phone is in the vicinity. Or google street views) to see. Why necessary, you may ask? Oh, too much elicit fornication in bathroom stalls, you see. Allegedly. Worse; the gay kind! Gasp!

Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle says his city has a problem with "homosexual activity" in public restrooms and he has a plan to stop it – robotic toilets that allow occupants to stay inside for only a short time before the door automatically opens.

"We're trying to provide a family environment where people can take their children who need to use the bathroom without having to worry about a couple of men in there engaged in a sex act," Naugle told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.....

Fort Lauderdale police officials said male sex in public restrooms is no longer a problem, but Naugle insists the practice persists and has used recent public meetings and e-mails to constituents to raise the issue.

Public restrooms are pickup places for "homosexuals. ... They're engaging in sex, anonymous sex, illegal sex," he said.

Quick aside......uh, the police say it isn't a problem at all, yet the Mayor insists "Oh, yes it is!" HOW would he know? Personal, first-hand knowledge? Methinks he doth protest too much. Not to mention he describes the Sex quite breathlessly and excitedly while repeating the word sex several times in one sentence.

Naugle said the proposed location for the city's first experimental unit is "the rainbow parking lot" at a local beach considered by some to be the area's "gay beach."

"The homosexual newspaper said it's the 'gay parking lot.' That's not me saying that," Naugle told the Sun-Sentinel, "that's what they said. I don't use the word 'gay.' I use the word 'homosexual.' Most of them aren't gay. They're unhappy."

Dean Trantalis, an openly homosexual former member of the City Commission who served with Naugle for three years, welcomes the restrooms at the beach but said the decision should not be made based on whether they will be used for sexual activity.

"I'm not an expert on public toilet sex," said Trantalis, "but there are those who would say one minute would be enough. Or 30 seconds."

If approved by the City Commission, the timed toilets will be paid for with property-tax funds.

I'm also rather offended at the obvious discrimination against heterosexuals. Why not target heterosexual sex? We do, you know (or maybe you don't, Mayor Naugle), at times indulge in a little public nookie. What, we don't count? And if, like everything else, this is to spare the children, then heterosexual sex is FAR harder to explain away. With homosexual sex, you could say something like "oh, sweetie, he was just giving him the Heimlich" or in the case of some lesbian action, the old "She was just showing that nice lady her new implants" excuse.

It is all pointless anyway, I believe. Because, doesn't public fornication lend itself more to quickies? Thus, wouldn't an act of taming the beast publicly often take less time than, err, making a deposit? (Or dropping a deuce, if you prefer). Especially if it is a substantial one or if you had curry for lunch? Along those lines, Mayor Naugle, I have just one question for you. Couldn't someone (or a couple of someones) simply RE-SHUT the door and continue on with their business? So, how exactly will this stop anything except for actual bodily function bathroom procedures? OK, two questions.

The Price of Freedom Isn't Free

An Independence Day tribute called "This Is For The Soldiers" (background info here) from the amazing 15 year old Lizzie Palmer, creator of the "Remember Me" Video.

As we all enjoy our Independence Day parades and fireworks shows (or fireworks in your own backyard here in South Carolina), please remember the men and women sacrificing for our continued freedom. The video should also serve to remind why Kevin Godlington started this site; to aid those who fight for peace, who sacrifice for the freedom of others and who often give up their lives or limbs or mental health.

Now, as I don't like to preach (vent and opine, yes; sermonize, no) and as I am quite literally blubbering like an infant after watching the video (and re-watching Remember Me), I will do what I can to stop myself from spiralling down into a mind-numbing depression at the thought of the brave souls in the Coalition forces giving up everything for countless unknown strangers .......I'll have a wee drink and good cry. Then I'll paypal some money over to The Charitable Demon. I only wish it could be more. Though, I could never ever repay all that these brave men and women have given me.

I wish all my fellow Americans a wonderful Independence Day (Or July 4th, if you prefer). I also wish our British friends a Happy "We're rid of those pesky Yanks" Day. Turned out for the best, no? Y'all instead gained a loyal friend and a fierce ally, as we did in you.

Hezbollah Schmezbollah

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- A top special operations officer from Lebanon's Iranian-backed militia Hezbollah has been captured in Iraq, where U.S. officials say he played a key role in a January attack that killed five Americans.

Ali Mussa Daqduq, an explosives expert, was captured in March in the southern Iraqi city of Basra, where he was helping train and lead Shiite militias fighting coalition troops, U.S. intelligence officials told CNN.

Daqduq pretended to be deaf and mute when captured, and his identity was not known for weeks, the officials said.

Once uncovered, however, they said he began to talk, and they now believe he played a crucial role in the January 20 attack in Karbala.

Intelligence officials say Daqduq is one of Hezbollah's top special operations commanders, an expert in the use of roadside bombs. The Americans say he, along with the Iraqi militia commanders he worked with, has admitted working with Iran's elite Quds Force special operations unit........

In searching for Khazali, U.S. and allied troops found computer documents detailing the planning, training and conduct of the failed kidnapping. And they found Daqduq, whom intelligence officials said has admitted working on behalf of Iran.

Contacted by CNN, a Hezbollah spokesman in Lebanon said he would not dignify the U.S. allegations with a response. And it remains unclear why Hezbollah's leadership would risk sending advisers to Iraq: American intelligence officers suspect Hezbollah -- which is indebted to Iran for decades of military and financial support -- had no choice.

Wait, what? How on earth can this be? Isn't Hezbollah, according to President Jimmy Carter and other Saintly, oh so well-intentioned "Progressives", a legitimately elected political party and a wonderful social organization? Who strives only for peace, equality and love? I'm so confused; When did they branch out into terrorist acts and murder? Impossible!

I, for one, question the timing. Or, at the least, I question his confession; he must have been tortured. It is the only logical explanation. Unless Rove the Magnificent planted the story to deflect attention from the failed Amnesty legislation? Or President Bush's abysmal approval rating?

Either way, what's the big deal? Anyone who gets caught is just an incompetent, low-level schlep, right? MSNBC told me so! And they wouldn't lie would they? They clearly have no agenda. I'll need to catch the repeat of Keith Olberman tonight. I'm sure he'll explain it all for me. Or I'll pop over to the Huffington Post for the real "truth".*** They aren't called Truthers for nothing!

*** In reality, since I am not suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome, I'll more likely drown my fears in a nice bottle of Riesling. Because, in all seriousness, this is some scary sh*t. I finding it more and more difficult to see any pragmatic way to avoid further military action in the Middle East.

Don't Shoot the Messenger....Unless He's On a Bike

Man, we Americans find a way to get angry over everything, don't we? Even a stupid little bike/walking trail.

Frank Corsino walks nimbly, a cane in his left hand, a transistor radio in his right. He wears a driving cap and a wide grin, and for years along the peaceful, tree-lined Minuteman Bikeway, the 84-year-old man found solace after his wife and former walking partner died.

But these days it is a different story. Instead of the spirit-restoring stroll he used to enjoy, he finds himself going into combat mode, dodging torrents of joggers, cyclists, stroller-pushers, dog-walkers, and roller bladers who have flocked to the 11-mile trail in mind-boggling numbers.

I have to say that I LOATHE bicyclists with an unhealthy passion that is almost on par with my also consuming dislike of Hillary Clinton. I've yet to run across one on the road who wasn't either a horrendous example of a poser, outfitted to a ridiculous T and loaded to the gills with equipment while pedaling around suburban cul de sacs with 8 year olds whizzing past them on big wheels or else they were true a**holes with intolerably rude and holier than thou attitudes. Dude, I wouldn't be so smug and self-righteous if I were you.....I can see your pathetically dinky junk, and I use that term extremely loosely, in your spandex shorts. Small man's complex anyone?

Of course, that could just be my limited frame of reference. No offense meant to present company; I'm sure there are some tolerable cyclists out there who wouldn't engender in me an almost overwhelming need to try to scare them by pretending to almost run them over. I'm sure if Kevin Godlington cycles, for instance, I'd be able to stomach it. He'd surely say, I imagine (often, sadly), "Pardon" or "Fancy moving out of the way" instead of rudely shoving me off the road. Mostly, though, I'd pay to see him in spandex.

Anyhoo, apparently they are quite vicious in Boston.

Confrontations have become increasingly common. Police have been called out so often to resolve angry, and sometimes bizarre, disputes that they have coined a new term.

"We have road rage," said Arlington Police Chief Fred Ryan. "And now we have bikeway rage."

A bicyclist kicked a Jack Russell terrier and yelled at the dog's owner, "Get the [expletive] over to the right!" as he passed by. There are cyclists in full-body spandex suits, aerodynamic helmets, and titanium bikes that go fast enough to leave roadkill in their wake.

"The bikers have this supremacy about them," said Peter Roy as he slid on a pair of roller blades. "They're pushing 30-35 miles per hour. They hit us, we're toast."

See what I mean about the ridiculous outfits? WHY necessary for a ride around a TRACK? In the middle of a Park? So, my dislike of cyclists is not unfounded. I feel vindicated. Goody! I look forward to a bunch of new legislation to take care of this crucial problem, since all our other problems seem to be solved. They must be, as Congress appears to have taken a permanent vacation.

I do believe this is yet another example of the calamity caused by Environmentalism. Environmentalists are at fault, as usual. If they hadn't brainwashed everyone into trying to be more enviro-friendly, we wouldn't be subjected to this new crime wave. They'd all be in cars and suffering from the far less intrusive road rage. At least with road rage, you are in a 2 ton metal fortress from which to defend yourself. Damn Al Gore! Again.