There is much debate in Britain right now as to whether Prince Harry, a young man so pointless that the world's most eminent scientists are still trying to prove conclusively that he isn't in fact just a massive fart, should go with the Army regiment he serves in to fight in Iraq. In my opinion he has more cause to go than any other member of the British Army, on the grounds that of the two things he joined to protect, 'Queen and Country', at least one of them is his grandma. If people joined the Army to fight for the protection of 'David Whitehouse's Grandma and Country', I'd be in Iraq too. It's only fair.
There are those that argue he shouldn't go however. They believe that whilst his fellow soldiers are out fighting in the desert, Prince Harry would provide a better service to the nation sitting at home in a massive pile of diamonds, eating wild boar fed on gold and the testicles of peasants. They say that it would be a national disaster if he were to get taken hostage, or worse, killed. Thankfully, Abu Zaid, a senior member of the insurgent militia in Iraq, has made this promise:
"We will be generous with him. We will return him to his grandmother, The Queen, but without ears".
You can't beat an insurgent with a sense of humour. I imagine their television comedy is a sight to behold. Besides, if Harry's ears grow anything like as big as his dads, a man who is looking more and more like his own Madame Tussauds figure left too close to a radiator, he'll probably be thankful.
That's enough about the armed forces, I'll leave that to the experts. Or if they're not around, Kev.
Oh, and in unrelated news, Hugh Grant, a man blessed with all the charm and charisma experienced when finding six arses in your breakfast cereal, has been arrested for throwing baked beans at a member of the paparazzi. Read that sentence again... it's the single most British thing that's ever happened in history. Ever.
There are those that argue he shouldn't go however. They believe that whilst his fellow soldiers are out fighting in the desert, Prince Harry would provide a better service to the nation sitting at home in a massive pile of diamonds, eating wild boar fed on gold and the testicles of peasants. They say that it would be a national disaster if he were to get taken hostage, or worse, killed. Thankfully, Abu Zaid, a senior member of the insurgent militia in Iraq, has made this promise:
"We will be generous with him. We will return him to his grandmother, The Queen, but without ears".
You can't beat an insurgent with a sense of humour. I imagine their television comedy is a sight to behold. Besides, if Harry's ears grow anything like as big as his dads, a man who is looking more and more like his own Madame Tussauds figure left too close to a radiator, he'll probably be thankful.
That's enough about the armed forces, I'll leave that to the experts. Or if they're not around, Kev.
Oh, and in unrelated news, Hugh Grant, a man blessed with all the charm and charisma experienced when finding six arses in your breakfast cereal, has been arrested for throwing baked beans at a member of the paparazzi. Read that sentence again... it's the single most British thing that's ever happened in history. Ever.
2 comments:
Brilliant, as always.
Funny, I was just thinking about Harry and his threatened ears the other day while chopping a head of cabbage. Don't the insurgents realize that Harry's father is a "friend of Islam"? Wait, never mind. That's Prince Charles, not James Hewitt.
Poor little red headed step-child. Is he aware he will not be able to wear his SS uniform and that his only groping will be of camels while there? Seriously, I give him credit for wanting to go. Only downside I see would making the rest of the men in his unit potential targets. I'm not an expert though.
Hugh Grant is a really a strange one, and I always thought it was just his strange taste in prostitutes. It must be a Brit thing, nobody in our press has been able to fathom this. You are supposed to throw fists, cameras, phones..
-Christi
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