Don't Shoot the Messenger....Unless He's On a Bike

Man, we Americans find a way to get angry over everything, don't we? Even a stupid little bike/walking trail.

Frank Corsino walks nimbly, a cane in his left hand, a transistor radio in his right. He wears a driving cap and a wide grin, and for years along the peaceful, tree-lined Minuteman Bikeway, the 84-year-old man found solace after his wife and former walking partner died.

But these days it is a different story. Instead of the spirit-restoring stroll he used to enjoy, he finds himself going into combat mode, dodging torrents of joggers, cyclists, stroller-pushers, dog-walkers, and roller bladers who have flocked to the 11-mile trail in mind-boggling numbers.

I have to say that I LOATHE bicyclists with an unhealthy passion that is almost on par with my also consuming dislike of Hillary Clinton. I've yet to run across one on the road who wasn't either a horrendous example of a poser, outfitted to a ridiculous T and loaded to the gills with equipment while pedaling around suburban cul de sacs with 8 year olds whizzing past them on big wheels or else they were true a**holes with intolerably rude and holier than thou attitudes. Dude, I wouldn't be so smug and self-righteous if I were you.....I can see your pathetically dinky junk, and I use that term extremely loosely, in your spandex shorts. Small man's complex anyone?

Of course, that could just be my limited frame of reference. No offense meant to present company; I'm sure there are some tolerable cyclists out there who wouldn't engender in me an almost overwhelming need to try to scare them by pretending to almost run them over. I'm sure if Kevin Godlington cycles, for instance, I'd be able to stomach it. He'd surely say, I imagine (often, sadly), "Pardon" or "Fancy moving out of the way" instead of rudely shoving me off the road. Mostly, though, I'd pay to see him in spandex.

Anyhoo, apparently they are quite vicious in Boston.

Confrontations have become increasingly common. Police have been called out so often to resolve angry, and sometimes bizarre, disputes that they have coined a new term.

"We have road rage," said Arlington Police Chief Fred Ryan. "And now we have bikeway rage."

A bicyclist kicked a Jack Russell terrier and yelled at the dog's owner, "Get the [expletive] over to the right!" as he passed by. There are cyclists in full-body spandex suits, aerodynamic helmets, and titanium bikes that go fast enough to leave roadkill in their wake.

"The bikers have this supremacy about them," said Peter Roy as he slid on a pair of roller blades. "They're pushing 30-35 miles per hour. They hit us, we're toast."

See what I mean about the ridiculous outfits? WHY necessary for a ride around a TRACK? In the middle of a Park? So, my dislike of cyclists is not unfounded. I feel vindicated. Goody! I look forward to a bunch of new legislation to take care of this crucial problem, since all our other problems seem to be solved. They must be, as Congress appears to have taken a permanent vacation.

I do believe this is yet another example of the calamity caused by Environmentalism. Environmentalists are at fault, as usual. If they hadn't brainwashed everyone into trying to be more enviro-friendly, we wouldn't be subjected to this new crime wave. They'd all be in cars and suffering from the far less intrusive road rage. At least with road rage, you are in a 2 ton metal fortress from which to defend yourself. Damn Al Gore! Again.