debate, charity, debauchery

It Depends on What the Definition of Support Is

2007-11-19T23:02:00.000-08:00

They were just trying to collect donations for American troops. But the Boy Scouts end up getting busted by the City of Cambridge. All their boxes were taken down at polling stations for being too "pro-war."

I'm confused. I've been hearing ad nauseum from the likes of Senator Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Speaker Pelosi et al. that "You don't have to support the war to support the troops. We all support the troops". Well, apparently not. At least according to Cambridge, Massachusetts election board, which claims that you CAN'T Support the Troops unless you are "Pro-War". ( I am certain that Sens Kerry and Kennedy of MA have also claimed to Support the troops, but not the war. OK, I know that no one with half a brain believed either one of them when they said that, as they both have slandered our military on more than one occasion, but still) What the hell does "pro-war" mean, by the way? Um, most people that I know do not LIKE War, but understand it is a necessary evil at times. Though, I guess if you don't even believe in the existence of evil (terrorists being just poor misunderstood freedom fighters and all), then you don't comprehend that concept.

Yeah, I'm even angrier than usual about this. However, I'm not surprised, sadly. Due to the reason given in the diatribe above and also because I'm fairly certain that the Left has had the Boy Scouts in their sights ever since that whole no gay troop leaders debacle. Speaking of which, I wonder if those parents concerned about the possibility of gay troop leaders have subsequently removed their kids from public schools and if they no longer send them to church. Only because it seems to me, based on the current hip trend, there is more to worry about with female middle school teachers and catholic priests.

Not to mention the fact that The People's Republic of Massachusetts, in its infinite wisdom, most likely believes that the Boy Scouts' time would be much better spent picking up birth control from the school nurse, learning about Heather's Two Mommies and practicing dissent as patriotism as opposed to ACTUAL patriotism.

The fact that the Boy Scouts use the term "troop" must also stick in their craw. I expect a petition soon asking the Boy Scouts to call each group a co-operative, as the term troop is far too War Monger-y and violent. And you know what happens when kids are exposed to violence, right? I'm actually asking because I'm confused as usual. They keep coming out with new studies! Childhood obesity, I expect, though.

Requiem For A Hero

2007-10-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

A Brave & Beautiful Soul Remembered. With a warning: It is a TEARJERKER. Seriously, have a tissue handy. Several, actually.

An amazingly beautiful and touching piece by Christopher Hitchens. Even if you aren't a Hitchens fan (and I know he engenders quite a bit of ire, to say the least, at times), this piece is a MUST read. You may even feel for Hitchens quite a bit. I did.

Rest In Peace, Lt. Mark Daily. I can't express my gratitude in words, nor can I express how badly I feel at the loss of such a good, brave, kind, heroic and wonderful man. And I know there are many others just as brave and good who have been lost to us all.

So, I'll just copy a line from the HItchens article that jumped out at me and struck home:

As one who used to advocate strongly for the liberation of Iraq (perhaps more strongly than I knew), I have grown coarsened and sickened by the degeneration of the struggle: by the sordid news of corruption and brutality (Mark Daily told his father how dismayed he was by the failure of leadership at Abu Ghraib) and by the paltry politicians in Washington and Baghdad who squabble for precedence while lifeblood is spent and spilled by young people whose boots they are not fit to clean.

Please take the time to read the article in its entirety.

Toyota Prius, the New Limo?

2007-09-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

I hope this dude loses his appeal. Because I, for one, would be completely pissed off if I ordered a Limo and a freakin' butt ugly PRIUS showed up.

TAMPA - Moshe Leib says it's not a stretch to call his black Toyota Prius a limousine.

Hillsborough County's Public Transportation Commission is skeptical, though, and has denied Leib's application to operate the gas-stingy vehicle as a limo service. That means Leib, who operates TB Limo in Pinellas, can use the car to take customers into Hillsborough County, but he can't pick them up there, even at the airport.

Now the North Redington Beach man is suing the agency in federal court.

Leib's Prius has four doors, seats five, including the driver, and has black leather seats. Passengers are entitled to bottled water and a newspaper. The also derive comfort from knowing they're driving in a fuel-efficient vehicle, he said.

Bottled water, a newspaper and environmentally conscious? Er, no thanks. Give me my huge wasteful stretch with a wet bar.......a full one, of course, a cranking stereo system and a moon roof (for actual mooning after wet bar fun commences).

He says the commission infringed upon his right to earn a living as he sees fit when it denied his request for a waiver of its rules that regulate limos.

"It's my right, and the people's right, to drive this car and be driven in this car. If you want to be green, an environmentalist, then you should be able to do that," he said.

I LOVE his entitlement attitude. He has the RIGHT to earn a living as HE sees fit? Um, sorry but we have rules and laws here. Granted, I hate most of them, but as they are currently in place, everyone else has to follow them so you do as well, Mr. Cheap-Ass-Trying-to -Pull-a-Scam-to-avoid-taxi-permit- lottery-and-failing-Dude.

If driving in a Prius is a "right", then that is one right I can gladly live without.

Never Mind Brittany; Help Jenna Jameson

2007-08-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

She is clearly crying out for help. Actually, more like bellowing.

I've long lived my life by the tenet WWJD (What Would Jenna Do), but have recently realized that may no longer be such a smart idea.

First, the vaginoplasty. Correction........botched Vaginoplasty. Ew.

Washington, Mar 31 (ANI): Porn star Jenna Jameson is reportedly so annoyed with the results of her vaginoplasty that she has refused to speak to anyone, and in turn has almost jeopardised her best-selling book, "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star's, " chances of being made into a movie.
"She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy. She has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody. The producers are about to pull the plug on the movie," " the source added."

Oh, Baaaad choice of words, Source.

Second, the hilarious coming out backing of Hillary Clinton:

PR.com: "Who's your favorite Democratic front runner for 2008? Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or John Edwards?" Jenna Jameson: "I love Hillary. I think that in some ways she's pretty conservative for a Democrat, but I would love to have a woman in office. I think that it would be a step in the right direction for our country, and there would be less focus on war and more focus on bettering society."

PR.com: "Do you find that the climate of the adult industry changes when there is a Republican administration versus Democratic?"

Jenna Jameson: "Absolutely. The Clinton administration was the best years for the adult industry and I wish that Clinton would run again. I would love to have him back in office. I would love to have Al Gore in office. When Republicans are in office, the problem is, a lot of times they try to put their cross hairs on the adult industry, to make a point."
"It's sad, when there are so many different things that are going on in the world: war, and people are dying of genocide...I look forward to another Democrat being in office. It just makes the climate so much better for us, and I know that once all our troops come home, things are going to be better and I think that getting Bush out of office is the most important thing right now."

Tee heeing at the obvious fact that President Clinton was good for the porn industry. The revenue from all the Monica/cigar / Oral Office movies alone must have been staggering. And I'm so glad the pesky Wars and genocide go by the wayside and are no longer such a nuisance once a Dem is in office, making the climate much better for the porn industry. That IS what matters most (she says sarcastically. Although, I've long said that MORE porn is needed, preferably air-dropped into the Middle East. It will, I guarantee, get them out of caves plotting terror. Plus, it will help the poor, sexually harassed livestock).

But, if she wants bush out of the office, then why is she backing Hillary? (groan). Oh wait....never mind. Safe to assume Hillary is bush-less. Meow AND groan. That was bitchy, even for me. Apologies! (but not apologetic enough to edit myself)

Now, the final straw, she's just had her implants removed.

LOS ANGELES — Porn princess Jenna Jameson has officially retired from starring in XXX movies, and to mark the transition she’s had her famous breast implants removed.

"When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach," she told Us Weekly. "Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter … before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!"

Jenna added that she was so "ecstatic" after the surgery that she "went home and cried."

As are a multitude of men (and some women) crying tonight, Jenna. Oh, the sorrow you've wrought! It is very clearly, however, a pathetic and sad cry for help. I'm there for you, Jenna. I'm off to file the appropriate papers for a new Save Jenna campaign. I need to work on a name first, though. I'm open to suggestions.

Mission Iran?

2007-08-23T20:51:00.001-07:00

According to John Bolton, Yes. In fact, he "absolutely hopes" we strike Iran within the next six months. I respect John Bolton immensely and I most often agree with him. However, call me crazy, but isn't the timing a bit disconcerting? Aren't we stretched a wee bit thin as it is? Militarily?

I also don't see any conceivable way for President Bush to get any support whatsoever to authorize such a military strike. He's little, if any, political capital left and the public is in no way going to support another military action. The majority want us out of the present War as it is.

However, it seems to me that it is pretty clear that Iran IS involved militarily already. They are, no matter how hard Keith Olberman and his ilk try to spin otherwise, involved in Iraq and they ARE killing American and coalition forces.

But, I'm no expert. And perhaps wary only out of selfish fear. The World scares me of late.

Which makes me ever so grateful, as always, for the brave men and women around the World fighting for our freedoms, our safety and our very lives. Brave men and women, all.

Um, John Edwards? Maybe Try Thinking Before Speaking?

2007-08-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

Seriously, this dude appears to be a few sandwiches short of a picnic and I am thanking my lucky stars that he didn't become Vice President in '04. His latest gaffe:

August 3, 2007 -- WASHINGTON - John Edwards, who yesterday demanded Democratic candidates return any campaign donations from Rupert Murdoch and News Corp., himself earned at least $800,000 for a book published by one of the media mogul's companies.

The Edwards campaign said the multimillionaire trial lawyer would not return the hefty payout from Murdoch for the book titled "Home: The Blueprints of Our Lives." The campaign didn't respond to a question from The Post about whether it was hypocritical for Edwards to take money from News Corp. while calling for other candidates not to.

In addition to a $500,000 advance from HarperCollins, which is owned by News Corp., Edwards also was cut a check for $300,000 for expenses. Edwards claimed $333,334 in royalties from last year's release of the book, according to media accounts. The campaign said last night that those funds were part of the advance.

He says he gave that amount to charity, which would also provide tax benefits for Edwards. "We're more than happy to give even more of Murdoch's money to Habitat for Humanity and other good causes," spokesman Eric Schultz told The Post yesterday. He declined to show proof, however, that Edwards had donated the $500,000 advance or $300,000 expense checks to charity.

Meanwhile, Edwards yesterday attacked Hillary Rodham Clinton for taking more than $20,000 in donations from News Corp. officials, arguing that the company's Fox News Channel is tilted to the right. News Corp. also owns The New York Post.

Clinton declined to respond.

The Edwards campaign said it would return less than $1,000 in donations from three Fox employees.

Languishing in the polls behind Clinton and Barack Obama, Edwards also has led the Democratic field's boycott of a Fox co-sponsored presidential debate.

"The time has come for Democrats to stop pretending to be friends with the very people who demonize the Democratic Party," Edwards said.

Uh, Mr. Edwards? You kind of deflate the sails of your intended "gotcha!" moment when you somehow fail to remember that you received $780,000 MORE than the people you are attempting to criticize. I don't even want to know how it is possible that one can fail to remember more than 3/4 of a million dollars. Although I guess it could be rather difficult to keep track of all your cash in a 28,000 s.f home. Meow.

Plus, give it up already with all the puerile Fox news bashing, lefties. Seriously, can't y'all come up with something better than "Faux Noise"? It is really played. And wasn't even creative or funny to begin with. I'd suggest coming up with something better than "Shrub" for President Bush as well. Really juvenile and, again, not even funny. I mean, nothing wrong with a little immaturity as long as it is humorous at least. Just trying to help!

And attend the damn Fox News debate, Democrats. If you can't handle Wayne Goler, then how in the hell do you think you can take on the little man from Iran? Al Quada? Hugo Chavez? OK, Britt Hume is a tad intimidating, but still. And while I'm at it.....Republicans man up and do the stupid youtube debate. No one will be paying attention to your answers anyway. They'll be too busy mentally poking fun at the video submissions. While waiting hopefully for the Obama Girl to make an appearance.

Welcome Back, Smoker!

2007-07-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

At least according to one upstart airline, who says Thank You For Smoking.

DUESSELDORF, Germany -- At the international airport in this western German city, smokers are shunned. If you want to light up, you're restricted to a handful of bars in the terminal, or else stuck puffing on the dingy street outside.

Soon, however, tobacco lovers from around the world could be beating a path to Duesseldorf. A start-up airline based here plans to offer long-haul luxury flights -- to Asia, at first -- that cater to smokers, countering a decades-long global trend that has made it impossible to enjoy a cigarette on most passenger flights.

The new airline is called, naturally, Smoker's International Airways, or Smintair for short. The founder is a local entrepreneur who promises a return to the days when air travel was considered glamorous, when stewardesses were happy to bring you a glass of scotch, and when smoking in the lavatory didn't risk criminal prosecution.

This fabulous new airline might very well be the answer to my recent (and of no particular origin excepting oddity) debilitating and admittedly pathetic fear of flying. The very idea of sending the militant anti-smoking crusaders into an apoplectic fit is reason enough. Add in booze and food and it is heavenly. Why drink and drive when you can drink, smoke and fly? (note: I don't really drink and drive, but I do have.....surprise surprise, NOT....an issue with the obnoxiously low blood alcohol level laws. I'm kind of small. ONE drink puts me right at the legal limit)

The only catch is that the only flights at first will be from Germany to Japan, as apparently 1/3 of Japanese adults smoke and 1/4 of Germans smoke which is shocking considering that smoking is the evil of all evils, yet Japan is quite the healthy nation. The healthiest, in fact. How can this be? With all that 2nd hand smoke floating about? Perplexing! Anyhoo, sadly neither Germany or Japan are anywhere within my proximity. oh yeah, and I'm not rich. The flights will start at around $6,000 a ticket. I do, nonetheless, now have a humongous crush, sight unseen, on the founder of the airline, Mr.Schoppmann (or is it Herr?). Just take a look at what is posted on the airline's Job portal:

Allergics to any kind of smoke or aviation specific conditions, militant Anti-Smokers, or people with other social deficiencies are kindly asked to not apply"

Tee hee! What's not to love? And there's more!:

"People think the cabin will be full of smoke, which is bollocks," he said. "The air on Smintair will be more refreshing than on a normal flight. You will not even notice the smell of somebody smoking a cigarette or pipe in the next seat."

Not that there's anything inherently unhealthy about tobacco smoke, insists Schoppmann, who adds that he doesn't believe a word of the warning labels printed on tobacco products. He's already gotten into a public spat with the World Health Organization, dismissing public health concerns over secondhand smoke as "the biggest scam of all times."

"I'm just another healthy smoker," said Schoppmann, who inhales about a pack a day. "I haven't seen a sick smoker in my life. The only thing I see are sick nonsmokers, and they are always sick with all sorts of crap."

Again, genius Mr. (Herr) Schoppman! 'Tis true; militant non-smokers do seem to suffer from every allergy and ailment known to man. And everyone I know who flies does often get some sort of bug after their trip. It seems as if airlines figured that once the dastardly smoke was gone, then no need to crank up the air circulating thingies. Uh, what about ACTUAL health risks (as I must note the preponderence of studies indicating 2nd hand smoke has next to ZERO adverse health effects) and not just convenient scapegoats? Like real germs? Screeching toddlers? And rancid body odor? OK, the last two are just pet peeves of mine and minor inconveniences (hmm, like passive smoke), but the germs part is real.

An aside: I, out of morbid curiosity and a sad need to punish myself, perused some liberal blogs regarding this airline story. As you can imagine, they were filled with the expected "oh gross. It won't last because smart people will refuse to be exposed to such evil carcinogens" proving once again that they have a hard time either reading or comprehending or both. Hello? You don't HAVE to fly on that airline. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure you'd be hard-pressed to afford the ticket price what with your being unemployed students, professional "protesters" and full-time Health Nannies and all. The worst comments of the bunch were ones that actually stated thing like "I hope they all get cancer". Not kidding. Nice, huh? The wonderfully compassionate and caring "progressives" at work.

Hey, I have an idea. Stop imposing your choices on others. No one will FORCE you to fly on a vile smoking plane. Unlike how you FORCE smokers to fly on a boring, germ-filled, nicotine withdrawal hell, smokeless flight.

Before this turns into a tome (yes, I do ramble. Apologies!), I'll leave off with wishing much success to Smintair! And a thank you for doing your part for freedom and personal choice. If I ever win the lottery, I'll be sure to book a flight with you forthwith. Hint, hint: I'd love a trip to Australia. Try to fit that into your later flight patterns. Thanks!

A new career? Take that, Betty Friedan!

2007-07-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

I can't help but think this new career enterprise is the brain child of one Mr. Kevin Godlington. Pure genius? Or setting back my anti-feminist movement for years?

The women of Tiger Time Lawn Care offer to mow customers' lawns dressed in bikinis - a service that attracts more attention to the ladies than the lawns.

"Oh yeah, they honk and yell. They can do everything you can imagine," said employee Blair Beckman, 21. Beckman said the extra attention is expected, but she looks on the bright side.

"You get the attention but you also get a tan, which I need," Beckman said.

Owner Lee Cathey said the bikini service makes mowing the lawn a lot more interesting, although the fee is slightly higher.

"The yards definitely get more attention when there's a bikini on the lawn," Cathey said. Some customers sit in lawn chairs and have a beer while watching, he said.

The three-month-old company is looking for a way to expand the service through the end of summer. "In the fall we'll go pick up leaves in the bikinis if need be," Cathey said.

Cathey said there hasn't been any interest in a male version of the bikini lawn cut.

I'm conflicted. On the one hand, no no no! And No again. That's Men's work! What self respecting woman would mow a lawn? Gross! Sweaty (and not in a good way) and dirty and machine-y! I refuse, absolutely REFUSE, to even learn how to turn one on. I have my principles and all; I am a staunch Anti-Feminist. Seriously, mowing the lawn is almost as bad as changing your own car tire. Which is utterly unheard of in my mind. Far easier, and more womanly to use your wiles. Work up a good fake cry, pout prettily and watch while a man does the job. Who needs ya, Gloria Steinem? Not I and that is for damn certain. Women need Feminists like fish need bicycles, I say.

On the other hand, the tan part IS a huge bonus. As is the attention part (I add, pathetically). Not to mention the absolute and total objectification of women, which should serve to provide GREAT strides for the anti-feminism movement (which I plan to spear head. Once my daughter is in school and I can, thus, devote my full time to the Cause).

I must mull on this one a bit. But I am swiftly leaning towards evil genius.

However, I do find it quite sad that there is no interest in a bikini-clad male service. Well, I admit that I partially understand it because NO man looks good in a Speedo. I repeat, for all you men out there suffering from delusions.....NO man. However, I would hire, say, Andrew Levy, to mow my lawn shirtless and in swim trunks. Yum! (I say whilst simpering and blushing so as to appear lady-like and proper. And feminine. As opposed to the wretched and dreaded Feminist)

So... about that Senator David "I have sinned" Vitter

2007-07-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

So, the D.C. Madam's little black book suddenly got a little more interesting recently with the revelation that Louisiana Senator David Vitter appeared in the call logs several times.

A Republican U.S. senator who admitted to "serious sin" after he was linked last week to a Washington escort service apologized for the sex scandal on Monday, but said he will go back to work.

Sen. David Vitter, a social conservative who has routinely touted family values, said his undescribed sins occurred several years ago, implying that his misdeeds were behind him. He accused enemies of dredging up the scandal to hurt him....

Vitter's phone number was found five times in phone records dating from 1999 to 2001 for "D.C. Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey, who is accused of running a prostitution ring in Washington, the New Orleans Times-Picayune reported last week. Palfrey has said she operated a legal escort service.
Vitter issued a statement on July 9 admitting to "a very serious sin in my past," then went into seclusion.

When I heard the news, my first thought was that the real shocking story would have been if a Louisiana politician was NOT on the list. I'm pretty sure you have to be corrupt in some way to achieve election in Louisiana. Or New Jersey (uh, Governor McGreevy AND Governor Corzine. Not to mention all of Hudson County).

First, it is amusing reading the Reuters article, whose bias is clearly showing. If Senator Vitter was a Democrat, the article most certainly would have been written very differently. With phrases like "personal issue" and "years ago" and "unrelated to his work in the Senate" used willy nilly. Instead of the phrases, snidely written, like "misdeeds", "has touted family values", "implying it is behind him", "accused enemies"etc. Also, I have noticed that whenever it is a Republican involved in any sort of scandal, their party is the first or second word in the article. When it is a Democrat, you have to search (sometimes even to no avail) for the party affiliation. Doesn't change anything, of course. I just find it amusing and rather telling.

As for the actual acts by the Senator, I admit to feeling badly for the dude. Five "escort" service calls in 2 years isn't THAT bad. Plus, he's hot. And is a fairly reliable vote in the Senate. However, the hypocrisy is quite annoying; He is a rather staunch Social Conservative and, thus, is usually preaching about Family Values. Yet another case of "Physician, Heal Thyself".

In contrast to roguish Louisiana politicians of the past, he portrayed himself as a squeaky-clean reformer against immorality and corruption.

Vitter went to Washington in 1999 after winning a special election to replace Rep. Bob Livingston, who had resigned in a sex scandal.

Republican leaders have mostly been quiet or given lukewarm support to Vitter, but there have been scattered calls for his resignation.

"If he doesn't resign, the Republican Party will lose the moral high ground," said Vincent Bruno, a member of the Louisiana Republicans state executive committee. "We have portrayed ourselves as being the moral party."

Tee hee.....does anyone else find the irony funny? The fact that Senator Vitter replaced Bob Livingston, who resigned under the cloud of a sex scandal? And if memory serves, Rep Livingston's "scandal" was fairly tame.

This, meaning sex, is an area where I break from the Conservatives. I don't believe that being a bit of a slut (female OR male) and being a good person are mutually exclusive. Especially for men; I do believe it is partly their nature to want to plow many fields, so to speak. Yes, the sanctity of marriage should be respected in a perfect world, and I'm personally a fan of monogamy, but humans aren't perfect. Plus, he went to hookers.....oops, I mean "escorts". To me, that is less serious than an actual one on one girlfriend/mistress relationship. An "escort" is clearly just about sex, which isn't as intimate as a real, loving relationship (that hopefully does involve good, regular sex, but not ONLY sex). But, I've been told that I'm a bit odd and too man-like in my thinking, so most women might not agree with me here. A lot of men will, though, and therein lies the difference. Either way, not my business. It is between him and his wife. To my knowledge, there is no sexual harassment lawsuit involved (cough cough President Clinton), so it truly IS a personal issue.

And, yes, I do admit that it does speak to one's judgment, or lack thereof, but it still isn't as bad as, say, strapping on a suicide bomb vest and launching yourself into a shopping mall. Or bamboozling half the World with some sort of pyramid Carbon Offset scam (I'm talking to you Al Gore). So, cut the dude some slack. I'm sure his wife will be making him pay. Passive aggressively. For years. Over and over again. That's punishment enough.

Harry Karry

2007-07-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

The House voted today to pass a Bill starting the "phased withdrawal" of troops from Iraq beginning in 120 days with the final phase leaving in April. However, they failed to mention HOW that plan is good for anyone, especially our troops. Why ANNOUNCE your retreat date? The troops remaining for the final phases will be literal sitting ducks. As Travis, a Marine, posted to Kevin Godlington's forum "You cannot say you support the troops and at the same time not want them to succeed."

I'm loathe to give opinions on what should be done in Iraq, as I am clearly unqualified to do so and I won't presume to speak for the men and women who are putting their very lives on the line. But, I do feel qualified, as a non-sheeple, thinking and (sometimes) rational citizen, to choose to put more stock in the feelings and beliefs of the actual military, than that of privileged, old dudes in Washington, D.C. with ZERO military knowledge or experience. One of the worst, in my opinion, is Senator Harry Reid. CNN ran the following video, which shows that besides putting our troops at greater risk, a pull-out will not bode well for the Iraqis. It is worth noting that CNN must have been cringing as they ran the video, as they put the words "Some Iraqis Believe US Troops Should Leave Immediately" all while the Iraqis speaking are saying things like "If I don’t see U.S. forces in front of me, I feel scared."

Shockingly (and wonderfully) a what can only be described as Liberal reporter cornered Senator Reid today to ask about just that; the Iraqi people. The transcript follows below.
I'll let it speak for itself and end my vent here. What say y'all? Solutions? Proposals? Agree on the ass-ness (assity?) of Senator Reid, et al.?

From today's press conference with the Senate Democratic leaders.

I tried to get an answer to what I blogged earlier today.

I did not succeed.

TAPPER: Senator Reid, what do you say to critics who say, "Look, the Senate voted, including two of you up on the stage, to authorize the president to use force in Iraq. Is there not a moral obligation of the United States to make sure that the Iraqi people are safe before the U.S. withdraws"? It's very clear that withdrawing U.S. troops might make U.S. troops safer, but it won't necessarily make the Iraqi people safer.

SENATE MAJORITY LEADER HARRY REID, D-NEV: As reported in the news this morning, 69 percent of Iraqis feel they are less safe because of the presence of Americans; 21 percent of the Iraqi people feel they're safer. That's pretty clear that American troops who are over there protecting the Shias, the Sunnis and the Kurds -- they're not welcome. That's the reason that they're doing a good job of protecting the Shias, Kurds and Sunnis, but they are all trying to kill our soldiers. That is a recipe to bring our troops home. And that's why the Levin-Reed amendment is so critically important. …It transitions the mission within 120 days, and by the first day of May of next year, our troops will be out of there, our combat troops will be out of there. They will be left to do counterterrorism, training the Iraqis -- continuing to train the Iraqis and protecting our resources. That's what the Iraqi people want and that's what American people want.

TAPPER: I'm sorry, if I could just follow up very quickly...Do you think the Iraqi people will be safer with U.S. troops out?

REID: It is clear that the Iraqi people don't want us there. It is clear that there is now a state of chaos in Iraq. And it is up to the Iraqi people to make themselves safe….We can't do it. It's time the training wheels come off and they take care of their own country. We have spent billions dollars. We're now spending $12 billion a month on Iraq. That's enough. In the last six months of the surge, six months, 600 more dead Americans, $60 billion more of American taxpayers' money. We, Democrats, unitedly believe that's enough.

TAPPER: With all due respect, Senator, you didn't answer my question.

REID: OK. This is not a debate.

TAPPER: Will the Iraqis be safer?

REID: We're answering questions. (calling on someone else) Yes, young man? Anyone else have a question?

Much Ado About Nothing

2007-07-12T22:06:00.000-07:00

Pathetically, I must admit that I was waiting with voyeuristic bated breath for the release of the infamous "blackmail" photos of Miss New Jersey. Partly because I need a life, partly because I was born and raised in New Jersey, but mostly because New Jersey has a slutty pageant reputation and all. Miss New Jersey USA, for instance, was booted this year for getting knocked up. Out of wedlock, no less! The horror!

Sadly, what a huge let-down these "risque" photos were. They were so not scandalous and, frankly, boring. They weren't even up to real New Jersey trashy standards! I've more revealing photos on Kevin Godlington's Charitable Demon website, for goodness sake.

(CBS/AP) NEW YORK Miss New Jersey will be able to keep her crown despite photos she admits show her acting "not in a ladylike manner," pageant officials said Thursday.

Hours after a nervous Amy Polumbo went public with photos of herself that had been sent anonymously to pageant officials, board members decided the pictures did not merit stripping her of her title.

Polumbo's lawyer, Anthony Caruso, said that a person or persons claiming to be The Committee to Save Miss America threatened to make the photos public unless she resigned her title.

"Nothing you post on the Internet is private," she said. "You have to be careful because there are people out there who will ruin your reputation."

Her pageant cause was protecting children from Internet predators.

The pictures include one showing what Polumbo said was her boyfriend apparently biting her breast through her shirt, another of Polumbo in a limousine wearing jeans with her legs spread in the air and another of her in what appears to be a Halloween costume dress holding two small pumpkins up to her breasts.

Uh, no offense meant Miss Polumbo (I do like that the pageants don't insist on "Ms."), but you are JUST learning that the Internet isn't private? Common sense isn't your strong suit, huh? Not part of your talent? Irony must be, though......your "cause" is protecting children from Internet predators. Again, uh, didn't the fact that there are Internet predators tip you off to the Internet NOT BEING PRIVATE? (Yelling, as that is how I talk to people who are dense. I tend to confuse deaf and dumb).

Well, at the least, perhaps you'll score some pity and/or publicity points with the Judges at the pageant. I fear you'll need something; the fact that your breasts are entirely covered by teeny tiny pumpkins does not bode well for your chances. That (or those. Or the lack of those), and the fact that you are from New Jersey. (I can say that as I am a Joisey Girl, originally. If you are not from Joisey, don't attempt to mock us. We'll whack ya. Hello? Sopranos?)

Robo Crap!

2007-07-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I must be far out of the loop, as I was unaware that man on man action in public restrooms had reached such "crisis" level. In Fort Lauderdale, Florida at least. Mostly because I didn't realize that George Michael apparently has a home there, which is the only explanation I can imagine for the reason the public restrooms have been rendered Party Central.

Yes, the Government has sunk to a new low. I didn't think that was possible, but I was wrong. Very, very wrong. As it appears that Fort Lauderdale's esteemed Mayor is planning to install Robo-crappers in the public restrooms. What are robotic toilets, you ask? They are toilet stalls rigged to have the door OPEN UP on you while in the midst of elimination if it deems you are taking "too long". Yes, if you overstay your welcome, the door will open up and leave you exposed for all the world (or at least the restroom and possibly youtube if a camera phone is in the vicinity. Or google street views) to see. Why necessary, you may ask? Oh, too much elicit fornication in bathroom stalls, you see. Allegedly. Worse; the gay kind! Gasp!

Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle says his city has a problem with "homosexual activity" in public restrooms and he has a plan to stop it – robotic toilets that allow occupants to stay inside for only a short time before the door automatically opens.

"We're trying to provide a family environment where people can take their children who need to use the bathroom without having to worry about a couple of men in there engaged in a sex act," Naugle told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.....

Fort Lauderdale police officials said male sex in public restrooms is no longer a problem, but Naugle insists the practice persists and has used recent public meetings and e-mails to constituents to raise the issue.

Public restrooms are pickup places for "homosexuals. ... They're engaging in sex, anonymous sex, illegal sex," he said.

Quick aside......uh, the police say it isn't a problem at all, yet the Mayor insists "Oh, yes it is!" HOW would he know? Personal, first-hand knowledge? Methinks he doth protest too much. Not to mention he describes the Sex quite breathlessly and excitedly while repeating the word sex several times in one sentence.

Naugle said the proposed location for the city's first experimental unit is "the rainbow parking lot" at a local beach considered by some to be the area's "gay beach."

"The homosexual newspaper said it's the 'gay parking lot.' That's not me saying that," Naugle told the Sun-Sentinel, "that's what they said. I don't use the word 'gay.' I use the word 'homosexual.' Most of them aren't gay. They're unhappy."

Dean Trantalis, an openly homosexual former member of the City Commission who served with Naugle for three years, welcomes the restrooms at the beach but said the decision should not be made based on whether they will be used for sexual activity.

"I'm not an expert on public toilet sex," said Trantalis, "but there are those who would say one minute would be enough. Or 30 seconds."
If approved by the City Commission, the timed toilets will be paid for with property-tax funds.

I'm also rather offended at the obvious discrimination against heterosexuals. Why not target heterosexual sex? We do, you know (or maybe you don't, Mayor Naugle), at times indulge in a little public nookie. What, we don't count? And if, like everything else, this is to spare the children, then heterosexual sex is FAR harder to explain away. With homosexual sex, you could say something like "oh, sweetie, he was just giving him the Heimlich" or in the case of some lesbian action, the old "She was just showing that nice lady her new implants" excuse.

It is all pointless anyway, I believe. Because, doesn't public fornication lend itself more to quickies? Thus, wouldn't an act of taming the beast publicly often take less time than, err, making a deposit? (Or dropping a deuce, if you prefer). Especially if it is a substantial one or if you had curry for lunch? Along those lines, Mayor Naugle, I have just one question for you. Couldn't someone (or a couple of someones) simply RE-SHUT the door and continue on with their business? So, how exactly will this stop anything except for actual bodily function bathroom procedures? OK, two questions.

The Price of Freedom Isn't Free

2007-07-03T22:36:00.001-07:00

An Independence Day tribute called "This Is For The Soldiers" (background info here) from the amazing 15 year old Lizzie Palmer, creator of the "Remember Me" Video.

As we all enjoy our Independence Day parades and fireworks shows (or fireworks in your own backyard here in South Carolina), please remember the men and women sacrificing for our continued freedom. The video should also serve to remind why Kevin Godlington started this site; to aid those who fight for peace, who sacrifice for the freedom of others and who often give up their lives or limbs or mental health.

Now, as I don't like to preach (vent and opine, yes; sermonize, no) and as I am quite literally blubbering like an infant after watching the video (and re-watching Remember Me), I will do what I can to stop myself from spiralling down into a mind-numbing depression at the thought of the brave souls in the Coalition forces giving up everything for countless unknown strangers .......I'll have a wee drink and good cry. Then I'll paypal some money over to The Charitable Demon. I only wish it could be more. Though, I could never ever repay all that these brave men and women have given me.

I wish all my fellow Americans a wonderful Independence Day (Or July 4th, if you prefer). I also wish our British friends a Happy "We're rid of those pesky Yanks" Day. Turned out for the best, no? Y'all instead gained a loyal friend and a fierce ally, as we did in you.

Hezbollah Schmezbollah

2007-07-01T23:00:00.001-07:00

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- A top special operations officer from Lebanon's Iranian-backed militia Hezbollah has been captured in Iraq, where U.S. officials say he played a key role in a January attack that killed five Americans.

Ali Mussa Daqduq, an explosives expert, was captured in March in the southern Iraqi city of Basra, where he was helping train and lead Shiite militias fighting coalition troops, U.S. intelligence officials told CNN.

Daqduq pretended to be deaf and mute when captured, and his identity was not known for weeks, the officials said.

Once uncovered, however, they said he began to talk, and they now believe he played a crucial role in the January 20 attack in Karbala.

Intelligence officials say Daqduq is one of Hezbollah's top special operations commanders, an expert in the use of roadside bombs. The Americans say he, along with the Iraqi militia commanders he worked with, has admitted working with Iran's elite Quds Force special operations unit........
In searching for Khazali, U.S. and allied troops found computer documents detailing the planning, training and conduct of the failed kidnapping. And they found Daqduq, whom intelligence officials said has admitted working on behalf of Iran.

Contacted by CNN, a Hezbollah spokesman in Lebanon said he would not dignify the U.S. allegations with a response. And it remains unclear why Hezbollah's leadership would risk sending advisers to Iraq: American intelligence officers suspect Hezbollah -- which is indebted to Iran for decades of military and financial support -- had no choice.

Wait, what? How on earth can this be? Isn't Hezbollah, according to President Jimmy Carter and other Saintly, oh so well-intentioned "Progressives", a legitimately elected political party and a wonderful social organization? Who strives only for peace, equality and love? I'm so confused; When did they branch out into terrorist acts and murder? Impossible!

I, for one, question the timing. Or, at the least, I question his confession; he must have been tortured. It is the only logical explanation. Unless Rove the Magnificent planted the story to deflect attention from the failed Amnesty legislation? Or President Bush's abysmal approval rating?

Either way, what's the big deal? Anyone who gets caught is just an incompetent, low-level schlep, right? MSNBC told me so! And they wouldn't lie would they? They clearly have no agenda. I'll need to catch the repeat of Keith Olberman tonight. I'm sure he'll explain it all for me. Or I'll pop over to the Huffington Post for the real "truth".*** They aren't called Truthers for nothing!

*** In reality, since I am not suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome, I'll more likely drown my fears in a nice bottle of Riesling. Because, in all seriousness, this is some scary sh*t. I finding it more and more difficult to see any pragmatic way to avoid further military action in the Middle East.

Don't Shoot the Messenger....Unless He's On a Bike

2007-07-01T21:57:00.000-07:00

Man, we Americans find a way to get angry over everything, don't we? Even a stupid little bike/walking trail.

Frank Corsino walks nimbly, a cane in his left hand, a transistor radio in his right. He wears a driving cap and a wide grin, and for years along the peaceful, tree-lined Minuteman Bikeway, the 84-year-old man found solace after his wife and former walking partner died.

But these days it is a different story. Instead of the spirit-restoring stroll he used to enjoy, he finds himself going into combat mode, dodging torrents of joggers, cyclists, stroller-pushers, dog-walkers, and roller bladers who have flocked to the 11-mile trail in mind-boggling numbers.

I have to say that I LOATHE bicyclists with an unhealthy passion that is almost on par with my also consuming dislike of Hillary Clinton. I've yet to run across one on the road who wasn't either a horrendous example of a poser, outfitted to a ridiculous T and loaded to the gills with equipment while pedaling around suburban cul de sacs with 8 year olds whizzing past them on big wheels or else they were true a**holes with intolerably rude and holier than thou attitudes. Dude, I wouldn't be so smug and self-righteous if I were you.....I can see your pathetically dinky junk, and I use that term extremely loosely, in your spandex shorts. Small man's complex anyone?

Of course, that could just be my limited frame of reference. No offense meant to present company; I'm sure there are some tolerable cyclists out there who wouldn't engender in me an almost overwhelming need to try to scare them by pretending to almost run them over. I'm sure if Kevin Godlington cycles, for instance, I'd be able to stomach it. He'd surely say, I imagine (often, sadly), "Pardon" or "Fancy moving out of the way" instead of rudely shoving me off the road. Mostly, though, I'd pay to see him in spandex.

Anyhoo, apparently they are quite vicious in Boston.

Confrontations have become increasingly common. Police have been called out so often to resolve angry, and sometimes bizarre, disputes that they have coined a new term.
"We have road rage," said Arlington Police Chief Fred Ryan. "And now we have bikeway rage."

A bicyclist kicked a Jack Russell terrier and yelled at the dog's owner, "Get the [expletive] over to the right!" as he passed by. There are cyclists in full-body spandex suits, aerodynamic helmets, and titanium bikes that go fast enough to leave roadkill in their wake.

"The bikers have this supremacy about them," said Peter Roy as he slid on a pair of roller blades. "They're pushing 30-35 miles per hour. They hit us, we're toast."

See what I mean about the ridiculous outfits? WHY necessary for a ride around a TRACK? In the middle of a Park? So, my dislike of cyclists is not unfounded. I feel vindicated. Goody! I look forward to a bunch of new legislation to take care of this crucial problem, since all our other problems seem to be solved. They must be, as Congress appears to have taken a permanent vacation.

I do believe this is yet another example of the calamity caused by Environmentalism. Environmentalists are at fault, as usual. If they hadn't brainwashed everyone into trying to be more enviro-friendly, we wouldn't be subjected to this new crime wave. They'd all be in cars and suffering from the far less intrusive road rage. At least with road rage, you are in a 2 ton metal fortress from which to defend yourself. Damn Al Gore! Again.

To Blair, With Love

2007-06-27T21:07:00.001-07:00

A more deserved standing ovation, I've rarely seen. I only wish I could have been there to join in personally. Alas, I must make do with the written word and my own personal tribute to Prime Minister Blair.

While I likely would disagree with PM Blair on a whole host of issues, primarily big government type schemes, he has always seemed to me to be more of a Nanny 911 kind of Labour Party. A bit tougher with some common sense not above knocking some sense into his wayward charges. I won't presume to opine on his domestic policies, however, as I am not a British citizen and, thus, it isn't my place nor my business. I will say, on a personal note, that his eulogy at Princess Diana's funeral did make me cry. I know it isn't "cool" to admit to liking Diana, but I did. Likely because I grew up with her; My Mom is originally from Scotland and she summoned me out of bed in the early hours near dawn to watch the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. She had me at her flub of his name during the vows.

I will speak to, however, Prime Minister Blair's foregin policy. He was there for us, and the entire World, when push came to shove. A rarity in politics these days. I'm certain his alliance with the USA and, in particular, our President, didn't bode well for his tenure as Prime Minister. But he didn't balk. Ever. And still isn't.

He stood his ground always, even during his resignation speech. Then, he said

“I ask you to accept one thing. Hand on heart, I did what I thought was right. I may have been wrong. That’s your call. But believe one thing: I did what I thought was right for our country.”

And last year, at his last speech to his Party's Conference, he declared:

"And of course, the new anxiety is the global struggle against terrorism without mercy or limit. This is a struggle that will last a generation and more. But this I believe passionately: We will not win until we shake ourselves free of the wretched capitulation to the propaganda of the enemy, that somehow we are the ones responsible.
This terrorism isn't our fault. We didn't cause it. It's not the consequence of foreign policy. It's an attack on our way of life. It's global. It has an ideology. It killed nearly 3,000 people including over 60 British on the streets of New York before war in Afghanistan or Iraq was even thought of. It has been decades growing.

Its victims are in Egypt, Algeria, Indonesia, India, Pakistan, Turkey. Over 30 nations in the world. It preys on every conflict. It exploits every grievance. And its victims are mainly Muslim. This is not our war against Islam.

This is a war fought by extremists who pervert the true faith of Islam. And all of us, Western and Arab, Christian or Muslim, who put the value of tolerance, respect and peaceful co-existence above those of sectarian hatred, should join together to defeat them. It is not British soldiers who are sending car bombs into Baghdad or Kabul to slaughter the innocent.
They are there along with troops of 30 other nations with, in each case, a full UN mandate at the specific request of the first ever democratically elected Governments of those countries in order to protect them against the very ideology also seeking the deaths of British people in planes across the Atlantic."

OH, would that we had such an eloquent Leader. Prime Minister Tony Blair is one of the best orators of my time, right up there, I must say, with our own great Ronald Reagan. In fact, I'd be hard-pressed to decide who was the better speaker. And that is high-praise coming from an American, believe me. Wait...who am I kidding. I'm a girl and the accent would put him over the top. We can't help it. The accent gets us every time. Just ask Kevin Godlington.

But, seriously and most importantly, he acted solely on his convictions regarding what was best for his Country and not what was politically expedient. In fact, he hurt himself politically, for the sake of his Country and, truly, for all of us. A better ally the United States couldn't have.

For that, he will always have my utmost respect and all the best wishes in the World. I also can't think of a better suited man for the job as Chief Envoy to the Quartet of Mideast peace mediators. I wish you well, Sir. With Love, most deeply heartfelt gratitude and Sincerity.

Great, Now I Do Have to Get a Damn Prius Hybrid

2007-06-22T21:25:00.001-07:00

From the cacophonous sound of Al Gore's hugely inflated ego (and head) plunging into the depths below, it appears as if the Global Warming swindle has just had what could be the final nail hammered into its waiting coffin.

"Ours is one of the highest-quality climate records available anywhere today, and in it we see obvious confirmation that natural climate change can be dramatic. For example, in the middle of a 62-year slice of the record at about 4,400 years ago, there was a shift in climate in only a couple of seasons from warm, dry, and sunny conditions to one that was mostly cold and rainy for several decades.”

"In a series of groundbreaking scientific papers starting in 2002, Veizer, Shaviv, Carslaw, and most recently Svensmark et al., have collectively demonstrated that as the output of the sun varies, and with it our star's protective solar wind, varying amounts of galactic cosmic rays from deep space are able to enter our solar system and penetrate the earth's atmosphere. These cosmic rays enhance cloud formation which, overall, has a cooling effect on the planet."

"Solar scientists predict that, by 2020, the sun will be starting into its weakest Schwabe solar cycle of the past two centuries, likely leading to unusually cool conditions on earth. Beginning to plan for adaptation to such a cool period, one which may continue well beyond one 11-year cycle, as did the little ice age, should be a priority for governments. It is global cooling, not warming, that is the major climate threat to the world, especially Canada.”

"Solar activity has overpowered any effect that CO2 has had before, and it most likely will again,” the article avers. "In fact, we should be more afraid of a cooling trend because of a solar minimum that will peak in 2030 that could be fairly large. As we saw from a minor solar minimum in the mid 1900s, the earth suddenly started to cool. If we were to have even a medium sized solar minimum, we could be looking at a lot more bad effects than 'global warming' would have had.”

Do y'all know what this means? I'll explain my theory if I can type while gasping in evil, cackling fits of laughter. OK - - We've been told ad nauseum for YEARS that carbon emissions and greenhouse gases cause horrific, apocalyptic warming. And if cooling, not warming, is now on the way, we will need to increase the heat, no? So, carbon emissions must be GOOD now, right?

Thus, I assume that the Goreacle and his disciples will now wish to burn trees, not plant them. Sheryl Crow will have to retract her one square of toilet paper proposal and will now lecture us on the proper wiping procedure being a full roll each time. Laurie David will slink away from her eco-bus tour with Sheryl and will go crawling back to Larry with her tail between her legs. SUV drivers in Hollywood, along with all the poseurs who followed suit, will now be able to come out of the closet with no guilt and no more " but....but.......I bought some carbon offsets" indulgences.

Which means that I, as I must be contradictory and do whatever Environmentalists tell me NOT to do, will be forced to drive a pissant Prius like that loser wannabe Leonardo DiCaprio. I'll have to take my next vacation at his awful "eco-hotel" as well so I can continue my trend of being "part of the problem and not the solution". Damn, I'll also have to learn to garden so I can plant some trees and contribute as best I can (why do something half-assed?) to this ominous global cooling problem.

Or not. Maybe I'll just continue doing as I please and further ignore the bilge spewing from the mouths of the Hollywood elites. On the plus side, perhaps our genius Congress will now toss out the horrendous Energy Bill they just passed and we won't all be forced into wimpy ass, corn-powered cars. Or whatever the hell ethanol is made from.

I Got A Crush On Gravel

2007-06-19T20:28:00.001-07:00

The top-tier Presidential candidates are already boring me. As is the current news cycle; an endless loop of Paris "Ho" Hilton and the Immigration "if you aren't for this scam, you are a bigot" Shamnesty debacle. At last, I found something, rather someone, to cure my malaise.

I have a crush on Gravel. Senator Mike Gravel, who is a Democrat Presidential Candidate, much to even their chagrin. I like him! This could be because I see myself turning into him when I'm dreadfully old, horrendously crotchety and hating the entire World. Except without the penis. Oh yeah, and without the bat shit crazy part. *fingers crossed*

In any event, I am loving this guy and not just for the humour aspect of his absolutely brilliant, Andy Kaufman-esque campaign ad, featured in the YouTube clip above, alone. Which ad, by the way, Hottie Gravel did attempt to explain on some Sunday talk shows, muttering some inanity (or insanity. Either works for him) about metaphors and crap. Whatever. Just keep being completely bonkers and a curmudgeon. That's all I care about. I don't want explanations. You'll ruin the moment.

Ass kicking ads aside, he also does truly rock in the debates, uttering the best one-liners EVER and he appears to be constantly pissed off, which, again, is like looking in the mirror. I already declared him the winner, with Kucinich a close second, of the first Democrat Presidential Debate on MSNBC. Speaking of which, I've heard tell that Nader and Kucinich are raging that Gravel is so clearly upstaging them and stealing their whack job thunder. Another reason to love him.

I am now declaring him the winner as well for the second debate on CNN. Wolfie Blitzer asked for a show of hands in support of English as the official language. Obama objected "It's divisive!" Hillary shrieked something about "then we couldn't have translators in hospitals or ballots in Spanish" (????) and the always irrelevant Dodd mumbled something about diversity. Gravel was the lone hand raiser and you could almost hear him grumpily muttering to himself "If I have to speak that damn English bullshit than so does everyone else. Screw them!" Later, Blitzer asked about there being room for President Bill Clinton in any future administrations and Gravel growled out "I'll use him as a traveling goodwill ambassador. He can take his wife with him, she'll still be in the Senate." MEOW, Sir. Kudos!

Besides the humour, maybe we need a truly crazy bastard for a President. I, for one, think it is long over-due. He'd scare the bejeezus out of the little man from Iran (I can't ever remember how to spell his name and I'm too lazy to google it. Plus, I refuse to give him even that much power over me. Little man will suffice). He'd take one look at him and DRAG United Nation nuclear inspectors into Iran. No explanation besides "Allah, that Gravel is 3 tacos short of a combo" necessary. And, no, Senator Graham, a taco reference is not bigoted.

He also doesn't seem to be all into that Global Warming religious cult thing. In his second campaign ad, he shows us all how to start a large fire and release carbon greenhouse gases needlessly and with vigor! Refreshing! Also refreshing.......he campaigns in DORM ROOMS. You think I must be kidding, right? Guess again! It just goes to show how well he knows his target constituency and which side his bread is buttered. Crazy like a fox! Guaranteed he brought some "party favors" with him as well. What's not to love?

I'm off to dust off the video camera and film my own "I Got a Crush on Gravel" video. Later!

Happy Father's Day........NOT?

2007-06-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

(the picture is my gift to all Dads on Father's Day. Two of your favorite things; beer and bare breasts. At least that is what Kevin Godlington tells me ;)

Happy Father's Day........NOT? Or so says the increasingly irrelevant and desperate for attention periodical, Time Magazine. In a heartwarming Father's Day article, two female scientists (hmm, do you think they may be of the dreaded Feminist persuasion?) claim Dads don't deserve a Father's Day.

The folks at Hallmark are going to have a very good day on June 17. That's when more than 100 million of the company's ubiquitous cards will be given to the 66 million dads across the U.S. in observation of Father's Day. Such a blizzard of paper may be short of the more than 150 million cards sold for Mother's Day, but it's still quite a tribute. What's less clear is whether dads--at least as a group--have done a good enough job to deserve the honor.

That's right, Dads. You suck. The Titi Monkey is better than you are, for goodness sake! They hold their babies for 90% of the time! Granted, they don't have things like jobs, mortgages to pay, food to buy or the ability to think and reason, but still. They HOLD the babies! Priorities, dudes.

Not only that, but the completely unbiased, non-agenda driven (cough cough) Childrens Defense Fund says you are all either total deadbeats or you spend more time in the bathroom than you do with your children. Funny, but I see Dads EVERYWHERE with their children. Even attending cheer leading class with their daughters which they can't possibly enjoy. Or at least can't admit to enjoying. Yet, they are there. Week after mind-numbing week. This, after working 40 plus hours, commuting to and from said work, taking care of the garbage and lawns and spider killing and gutters and all that other icky man stuff. It seems to me that most Dads these days are more involved with their children than ever before. Many even personally witness the actual birth, which has to be rather disconcerting to say the least.

Yet, the Titi monkey is still better, according to the "scientists" who wrote the Time article:

Many of our primate kin are far better fathers than we are (investigators at the California primate center discovered that baby titi monkeys are in the arms of their fathers for as much as 90% of daylight hours); many are far worse. But all are at least consistent within their species. Why does paternal care in our species vary so much?

Girls, and I am calling you girls purposely to piss you off and offend you, I can answer that question and I'm not a brilliant anthropologist. Um, humans are capable of rational thought. And invention. Humans have a soul. And free will. Unlike animals, who go by instinct and basic survival and who will, in fact, eat their own crap. Also, men are not women.

Still, apparently not simple enough for the authors. They suggest you men suck so badly that more than one Dad is needed.

None of this gives modern fathers who neglect their kids an evolutionary pass. Indeed, some studies suggest that even having one full-time dad might not be enough. Among many traditional societies across South America, people subscribe to the folk wisdom that any man with whom a woman has had sex in the 10 months before giving birth makes some biological contribution to the fetus growing inside her. Even the woman's official husband accepts this, and any possible father is welcome to assist--discreetly--in providing care for the child. Research by anthropologist Steve Beckerman and his team suggests that the optimal number of fathers is two

No thank you! Please, pretending to discuss decisions regarding your child with ONE man is a hard enough pretense to keep up. Two would be a full-time job in itself. Which would mean two Mothers would be needed as well. Hey, are they suggesting polygamy perhaps? If that's the case, I could maybe get on board. That would be much less work, I suspect.

Until that happens, as a woman who LOVES men and who is an unabashed Daddy's Girl (I still miss my Daddy daily, even though he's been gone 10 years now. Even so, he's still the most important man in my life and the person who most shaped the woman that I am), I wish you all a heartfelt and sincere Happy Fathers Day. Thank you for all that you do. Sincerely and with Love. And breasts.

A Modest Proposal

2007-06-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am ripping off the incomparable, genius, masterful Jonathan Swift. The man of my dreams, even though he's been dead for centuries. I thought it appropriate in response to Berkeley, California's latest set of bans.

Berkeley's City Council voted unanimously Tuesday night to pass most of a sweeping plan to clear the streets of aggressive and disruptive behavior.
The Public Commons for Everyone Initiative passed 9-0 after months of debate among the council, homeless advocates, merchants and residents. The council instructed City Manager Phil Kamlarz to develop details of the implementation, which he will bring back to the council for further approval.
"This is a tolerant and caring community, but we do have our boundaries,'' said Mayor Tom Bates, the legislation's sponsor. "As a small city, we can never solve the drug and alcohol problems that play out on our streets, but this is one thing we can do."
The initiative cracks down on a wide range of behavior that some say make Berkeley's streets inhospitable to residents and visitors alike. Among the activities that will be banned are smoking near buildings in commercial areas, lying on the sidewalk, public urination and defecation, drinking in public, possessing a shopping cart and shouting in public.
Homeless advocates have fought passionately to stop the initiative, which they say victimizes the city's most vulnerable residents. The program's cost, about $2 million a year, would be better spent on housing, they argue.

In keeping with Jonathan Swift's plan to rid the UK of those pesky Irish tots, I have my own modest proposal for Berkeley, expanding on their fine start! (fingers crossed that y'all know Swift and will get it. A tad nervous, as I am sadly aware of the state of our educational system).

It is obvious their revitalization plan is a thinly disguised ruse to rid themselves of the homeless. Because, come on, the homeless LIVE in public and therefore are the only ones who must relieve themselves of extraneous bodily fluids in public. Excepting drunken revelers, of course. So I assume the ban will be lifted for parades, college protests and such.

They've also taken away their cars i.e. shopping carts. The City also must clearly know that they don't own the AIR around the city, so they must be relying on the fact that the homeless might not know any better and will trot right out of town if not allowed to smoke in their homes (again, their homes are outside in public). Unless Berkeley is like New Jersey, who apparently owns the ocean as they charge you a fee to swim in it.

But I digress. It seems that the epitome of a compassionate, tolerant, caring, loving, liberal city isn't without its problems. And if Berkeley is so hypocritical as to mandate things that fly in the face of their 'we love all, we are a sanctuary city" mantra, they may as well go balls to the wall. So I will help them out.

First choice, force all the homeless to provide services as stand-ins at any rallies that President Bush might attend. Filling out the crowd and whooping and cheering. So that he doesn't look so sad, pitiful and alone. Make it seem as if he has some supporters left. It may help our morale and may help with international negotiations.

Another way to go would be to make all the homeless indentured servants. You know those jobs "Americans won't do"? Well, there you go. Available bodies with nothing else to do. They'll fill those jobs. They wouldn't have much of a choice, would they? Kills 2 birds with 1 stone.

Hmm, the homeless really could come in handy with this immigration thing. Apparently, it is too hard to control our borders as we don't have enough man power. Use the free homeless manpower! As Berkeley has now announced to the World, people want to avoid the homeless at all costs and treat them like the plague. Therefore, anyone trying to sneak across the border and coming upon a homeless person instead, will clearly turn tail and flee right back to Mexico. What a wonderful deterrent!

In the alternative, as the homeless are not wanted in California, but illegal immigrants are, the California homeless should all cross the border South and then sneak back in as illegals. Then, Berkeley could assuage their guilt, as they would be forced to once again welcome the newly illegal, oops..I mean undocumented, homeless with open arms. Advocacy groups (and most of the United States Congress) would be falling all over themselves trying to help them. Berkeley would be unable to hide behind the banner of "preserving our quality of life" and instead would have protesters descending upon the City with shouts of Fascists! Racists! Xenophobes! Which would selfishly serve the additional purpose of entertaining me, as I would find it immensely amusing.

Well, that's my plan so far. I'm open to suggestions before I send my proposal to Mayor Tom Bates. We're tight.

But Can You Still Smoke in the Brothels?

2007-06-09T20:39:00.001-07:00

As you may have guessed by now, due to my incessant complaints, the Nanny State mentality is one of my biggest pet peeves. In fact, examples of that slippery slope getting more and more obtuse cause me to begin frothing at the mouth and muttering to myself. Well, frothing and muttering even more, to be accurate. The worst one of late? All the smoking crap. Now, even Amsterdam, home to the Red Light district with its legalized prostitution and home of pot bars and legal "magic" mushrooms is in on the freedom grabbing act.

A Dutch smoking ban will come into force in July next year for all restaurants and cafes -- including coffee shops where cannabis is the top attraction.

"Coffee shops will be treated in the same manner as other catering businesses. They will be smoke-free," Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende told NOS television.

"It would have been wrong to move towards a smoke-free catering industry and then make an exception for coffee shops. People would not have understood that."

Establishments will not in fact have to be completely smoke-free. Proprietors will be allowed to set up a separate room or glass partition behind which people can smoke, but customers will not be served there to protect staff.

"Employees should not have to work in an environment were they are constantly exposed to the harmful effects of smoking," Balkenende said after the cabinet's decision on Friday.

Amsterdam's renowned coffee shops, where marijuana can be smoked openly in a relaxed atmosphere, are one of the city's big draws for tourists."

First, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of a pot bar? I'm no expert, but don't you need to SMOKE reefer? Second, did anyone ask the employees if they need protection? If I worked at a coffee bar, I'd be desperate for some second hand spliff smoke after dealing with pretentious asses all day long. Not to mention to escape the debilitating depression caused by working a dead-end minimum wage job.

Typical political correctness and nanny state mentality run amok. Apparently, there isn't one country left where you are treated like an adult able to make your own decisions without some "official" ass holding your hand and saving you from yourself. I just can't believe it is happening in Amsterdam now, of all places.

Amsterdam! Where it is OK to fornicate with prostitutes freely and openly (not that there's anything wrong with that. Whatever floats your boat), indulge in magic mushrooms when the mood strikes you or buy pot with your morning coffee, but for goodness sake don't you dare smoke it in a private SMOKING establishment. That's second hand smoke! It will kill us! Everyone says so! And if we repeat propaganda often enough, it makes it true, doesn't it? While we tax the life out of you while doing it, of course.

Speaking of the prostitution, does the smoking ban extend to the brothels? Those are also catering, service businesses, no? They do cater to all walks of life and they do provide services. What about the oft-needed (hopefully, at least) post-coital smoke? Do you now have to scurry outside?

Who would have thought that bars where you go to either abuse your liver and get falling down piss drunk or to pick up a sexually transmitted disease via a one night stand who appeared way hotter than they really were at the time, would become places of health consciousness? Please, stop killing my buzz. And now you've extended it to cannabis houses? Oh, the humanity.

Sadly, that isn't even the most inane ban of late. New Jersey, the State from which I recently escaped, is now set to ban smoking in your own private car if you have a passenger under 17 in the car. YOUR car. Fair warning; if one more person says "It's for the children", I may go off the deep end.

Even worse, in New York City they've run the gamut on second hand smoke bans and have now moved onto cigarette SMELL bans. Yes, just the mere lingering scent of a cigarette is now cause for panic. And fines. Seriously. If a customer smells, merely smells, some remnant of cigarette smoke they can complain to the Taxi and Limousine Commission and the offending cab driver will be fined.

Um, cigarette smoke is one of the better odors I've smelled in an NYC cab. In fact, I like it as it helps mask the other malodorous scents like stale vomit and foul body odor. But I guess you can't tax B.O. nor would it be politically correct to demonize people who stink. Or should I say people who are hygienically-challenged.

Anyhoo, so long Amsterdam of yore! Perhaps the genius elected officials will change their tune when the Tourist industry takes a hit. Or, rather, fewer hits. (groan)

Dems: Smoke & Mirrors 101

2007-05-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

The latest installment of the Democrat Party Agenda, as posted on their website:

"We will protect Americans at home and lead the world by telling the truth to our troops"

I guess that depends on what the meaning of "truth" is. Your current leading candidate, Hillary Clinton, is such a shining example of honesty and integrity. And whose "truth" do you mean, exactly? John Kerry's and Rosie O'Donnell's? You know, the "truth" that says our troops are terrorists? And dying for no reason? Yeah, that is a really compassionate, caring, tolerant thing to say to the people who are defending YOUR rights and freedoms. The very rights that you use to insult them. Nice. Or the "truth" (yeah, I am loving the sneer quotes. Be warned, more follow) that 9/11 was a scheme hatched by Karl Rove and Dick Cheney to boost Haliburton?

..."We believe in a strong national defense that is both tough and smart, recognizing that homeland security begins with hometown security.
Democrats have a plan that is comprehensive-- from repairing our military, to winning the war on terror, to protecting our homeland security, to ensuring success in Iraq and freeing America of its dependence on foreign oil--and it will finally prepare America for the security needs of the 21st Century. And we honor the sacrifices our troops, their families and veterans by making sure we take care of them when they come home."

Hmmm, let's just pick those three sentences apart, shall we?

...Begins with Hometown security: Um, wasn't it the Democrats who passed the entire onus of Hurricane Katrina onto President Bush and NOT the Local Hometown authorities? Oh! You must mean that you are changing course and will embrace the idea of citizens arming themselves? To provide hometown security and all. No?

Repairing our military: WHO was it that decimated the military? Wasn't it your hero Bill Clinton? Didn't he cut the military to obscenely low levels and refuse to give military raises? Wasn't it under the Clinton administration that Active military members actually qualified for welfare? ACTIVE military, no less.

Winning the War on Terror: Two parts..... I'm confused; I thought that, according to y'all, there is no such thing as the War on Terror? Two, I thought we already lost the phantom non-existent war? Again, I'm a tad perplexed.

Protecting our Homeland Security: By revoking that pesky patriot act that has caught an untold number of terrorists and foiled a butt load of plots, I guess. Not to mention giving RIGHTS to enemy combatants at Club Gitmo. Or is enemy combatant another no-no, racist term ? Is it now "poor misunderstood friends if only the Evil Bush would just TALK to them?"

Oh and making that border WIDE open. Or, I should say, wider. Which I didn't think was actually possible, but apparently it is.

Ensuring success in Iraq: See Winning the War on Terror. Yet again, I am baffled. Harry Reid et al have already told us, and our troops in the midst of FIGHTING, that we've lost. Perhaps y'all should read this Letter From a Soldier. Might help clarify things for your tunnel visioned minds. Not everything is about "getting" Bush or making him look bad, you know. Besides, he can do that well enough on his own.

Freeing America of its dependence on foreign oil: And how do you propose to do that, oh wise ones, when you won't allow any new drilling and you haven't allowed a new refinery to be built in over 30 years? Buddy up some more to your pal Hugo Chavez? Yeah, that's a good plan. He is so balanced and stable. A true strongman who now, literally, rules by decree. A Fidel Castro, but with oil. In fact he has equated himself with Castro, calling himself "The second Fidel Castro of Latin America". He also calls Saddam Hussein "A brother". But, I guess since he, dementedly, hates George W. Bush as much as y'all do, then he gets a pass and you'll gladly guzzle up his oil to fill your private jets while lecturing the rest of us on our incandescent light bulb and toilet paper addictions.

I won't even delve farther into the mess that passes for a Democrat Party agenda. Not one word ever truly means anything. It is just smoke and mirrors and not even good smoke and mirrors. Far too easy to see through and scoff at. A running litany of flowery, feel-good phrases that they hope us ignorant, Joe 6 packs will fall for, as we can't possible be as smart and progressive as they are. Well, you need new spinners, Democrats. It ain't working any longer. Hey, Karl Rove will be out of a job soon. Have y'all considered hiring?

A Tale of Two Drunks. And Gay Flamingos!

2007-05-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

The big news of the day seems to be the Immigration/Amnesty proposed Bill, but the bases are being covered there. And covered. To the point where, frankly, I'm tired of reading and thinking about it for now. It is making my head hurt. And my BFF neighbor man isn't around to pat it and tell me not to worry my purty lil head. Incidentally, I, sadly, am either so self-involved or so suffering from early onset dementia, that I do not remember his actual name. I've taken to simply calling him "My Hero" after the snake incident, which he seems to enjoy. His wife, not so much.

So I decided to peruse the "odd" news section of the news sites today and came across some rather interesting stories. Well, interesting to me. Baffling, depressing and funny all at the same time.

The Family Court Judge heeded the "Don't Hassle the Hoff" call and gave Hoff custody of his children. His drunken, hunk o' burger eating behaviour was BETTER than his ex-wife's. Allegedly. Come on.......look at the picture. I don't even want to imagine what could possibly make someone else a worse parent. Not to mention the fact that he's been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning 13 times. Although that does speak to his fortitude and he does get self-deprecation points for answering, when asked what he regrets most about the drunken video, "I just wish I'd used a knife and fork to eat that damn burger."

The next tidbit I read was a tale of a man shot in the head.......the odd part? He slept through it. The officer called to the scene, after the man finally awoke and noticed the blood..... Oh yeah, and the gaping hole in his head, had this to say " "We're just glad he didn't suffer any life-threatening injuries with a head wound". Which wasn't a very nice thing to say. A tad insulting, really. But perhaps helps to explain how someone could get shot in the head and not notice. If there isn't much up there to begin with, it makes more sense. The other possible explanation can be found in the next sentence in the article. "Lusher came home from a night on the town about an hour before he was shot while lying in bed, McQuaid said."

I am not making that up. His name is LUSHer. Apropos, no? And is "night on the town" code word for becoming falling down piss drunk, somehow finding your way to and stumbling into your bed and blacking out in a liver screeching stupor?

Next up........Gay flamingos can adopt, but gay humans can't? Something askew, no? Every gay couple I know who adopted were like these flamingos. They really, really wanted a child. Thought about and agonized over it for a long time and then went through years of hoping and waiting and building their nests. Not like a lot of us straight people who end up having a baby because the condom broke or we overindulged and whoops! Plus, the gay couples I know willingly and gladly adopt the children who fall through the cracks otherwise. At the risk of using an immigration debate cliche and, thus, reminding myself of said debate, they lovingly adopt the children no one else wants (head. hurting. again.) End sermon.

Not to mention, they can help their sons dress better and men, let me tell you, you are in desperate need of such guidance. As for daughters, they can train them in the fine art of being bitchy/catty.

A win/win situation for everyone, truly.

Get Carter

2007-05-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

In an unprecedented move, the White House has responded to former president Jimmy Carter, the only president who it's really difficult to remember what he looked like without imagining the pilot in Airplane crossed with a shaven bloodhound, after he claimed that the present Bush administration was the 'the worst in history'.

A spokesman for the Mr Bush said that Mr Carter was 'increasingly irrelevant', which is a little harsh given that he's about 758 years old and not as mad as a box full of frogs like most other former presidents.

The response marks a departure from the deference that sitting presidents have traditionally shown their predecessors. Personally, I think it's great. If I'd been the president of the United States of America, I'd march around telling everyone exactly what I think of them. To be able to say what he wants should be Mr Carter's absolute right.

It doesn't matter. It's not like anybody is listening.

Leo, the Gore Wanna-be

2007-05-19T20:15:00.001-07:00

I've now got a bone to pick with Leonardo DiCaprio, or DiCraprio as my brother, sister and I like to call him while chortling snarkily. Yes, we are puerile. I also can barely get my words out from snickering whenever I call my brother "Phil-do" or when we make fun of my Mother's Scottish brogue, which she oddly hasn't lost even after 40 years here. He's twenty-five and I'm thirty mumble mumble, yet we still find this to be the height of humor. Envious of our sharp Michael Ian Black -like (I love him) wit? You want to hang with us now, don't you?

Anyhoo, I keep tabs on DiCraprio just to have tidbits handy for our next familial insult fest. Discovered today that he is jumping on the Al Bore (another one of our fabulous turns of phrase) bandwagon and has made a dire warning/global warming movie. Turns out, DiCraprio might actually be an accurate name, as he apparently does have, in fact, shit for brains.

Harsh, you may think. But not once you realize his film doesn't even attempt to debate the very existence of global warming. It takes it as a given and claims we evil humans HAVE changed the climate. It also offers such esoteric questions as "how did mankind let nature deteriorate to this point?

DiCaprio defended Gore from criticism over the amount of energy he has been reportedly using to jet around the world and to run his home.

"Don't shoot the messenger", he said. "This person is trying to relay a message to the public and the way that he travels should not be splayed out like that."

DiCaprio said it should be oil companies that came under scrutiny and that the Government should make systematic change.
The US star said he took steps in his own life to reduce global warming, telling the famous film festival: "I do try to live my life in a green manner. I have installed solar panels in my house and the car that I drive is a hybrid one."

Yo, Leo....glad you drive some wussy hybrid ( how often do you actually DRIVE yourself?) and all, but what about that Thai beach you desecrated for no good reason. To film The Beach? Which was an utter waste of time, energy and nature (did anyone SEE that movie? And, if so, will you admit to it? )

As for "not splaying out" (whatever that means) how the wise and almighty Goreacle travels because he brings a message to us, the lowly public, who are greedily doing things like heating our apartments and suburban homes and driving to REAL jobs as opposed to whisking off in private jets, heating and lighting 20,000 s.f. homes or staging HUGE stadium rock concerts to promote the conservation of energy (explain that one to me), I've got a message for you --- hypocrisy, thy name is Leo. There, now I'm a messenger. Which must mean, based on your own reasoning, that I can now expand my carbon footprint exponentially with no guilt. What a relief!

Also revealed at the Cannes premiere was this insight into Leo's galactically huge ego and complete lack of understanding of irony; "Asked after the premiere of "The 11th Hour" whether he had taken a fuel-guzzling jet on his way to the French Riviera, the "Titanic" star spat back sarcastically: "No, I took a train across the Atlantic." I see, you HAD to. Sort of like how you HAD to destroy your neighbor's trees and plants to build your private basketball court.

Hmm, Leo, pot. kettle. black. To use one of Kevin Godlington's favorite phrases, which is also one of my favorites along with Meow (said after a bitchy insult, obviously). Last suggestion, Leo. Don't emulate your hero, Al Gore, too much. I suspect fat and bitter is not a good look for you.

Bono no no

2007-05-17T10:25:00.000-07:00

Hilary Clinton, a life-sized version of those wobbly-headed dolls you put in the back window of your car, is having a vote to decide which of the following songs becomes the theme tune to her election campaign:

U2 - City of Blinding Lights
U2 - Beautiful Day
KT Tunstall - Suddenly I See
Smash Mouth - I'm a Believer
The Temptations - Get Ready
Dixie Chicks - Ready To Run
Shania Twain - Rock This Country
Jesus Jones - Right Here Right Now
The Staple Singers - I'll Take You There

I urge you, people of America, not to vote for U2. Yes, the selection is dire. In fact, it's as if popular culture has awoken to survey the scene of the early 21st Century, balked at the thought of it having accidentally caught a performance by the Black Eyed Peas and then rammed it's head right up it's own dick in despair.

But still, don't vote for U2. We can't even begin to imagine how smug a smile will appear upon the inexcusable face of Bono, the short-arsed, ant-headed, sanctimonious little git that even someone with the patience of Nelson Mandela secretly despises answering the phone to. However, projections carried out on future-predicting super computers estimate that the grin shall be so smug it can only be rivalled by a man with a cock so enormous it requires a permit just after he has won half of the moon in a game of cards.

If a U2 song wins, politics is dead. Bono will truly believe he is the President of the United States of America and you'll all be forced to bow down at his puny feet like he's General Zod from Superman 2. Except in a worse outfit.

Instead, please vote for Jesus Jones, a British band of the late 80s and early 90s whose legendary appetite for drugs could have killed a baby rhino. What better sight than seeing the former first lady... a woman so utterly without sexual presence that it's not preposterous to imagine she has genitals like a Barbie doll, wave her way into the White House to a song all about destroying your own brain with chemical assistance. What a wonderful moment in politics that would be. It would make that whole 'husband/fluids/dress' thing seem like so long ago.

Mike Wallace is an Ass and Other Tales of Media Bias

2007-05-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

Romney's wife, Ann, who converted to the Mormon Church before they were married, is also interviewed. Asked if he had premarital sex with Ann, Romney tells Wallace, "No, I'm sorry. We don’t get into those things. The answer is no" before ending that line of questioning." More of the enthralling interview can be read here.

What a completely asinine, irrelevant question. Seriously, who cares? I actually hope he did test-drive before purchase. It's only practical. I also found it quite crass that he asked the question with Mitt Romney's WIFE sitting right there. Plus, I thought sex lives were off limits. Personal and all. At least that is what we heard ad nauseum during Clinton's administration.

Will Mike Wallace ask similar questions of the Democrat candidates? Like Hillary...."So, Hillary, when did you first realize that you had "special feelings" for women?" (not that there is anything wrong with that) or to Bill, who has been making the media rounds for his wife of late: "Bill, when did you first cheat on your "wife"?" Somehow I think I shouldn't hold my breath.

Then there was this unbiased article about President Bush during the Queen's visit.

WASHINGTON, May 4 — How does George W. Bush, a towel-snapping Texan who puts his feet on the coffee table, drinks water straight from the bottle and was once caught on tape talking with food in his mouth prepare for a state dinner with the queen?

Good Lord! Drinking water from a bottle? The boor! Understandably, the press is upset over such gauche manners because our last President was the model of decorum. Oh, except for that part about not knowing you are supposed to SMOKE a cigar. Or that it is proper etiquette to cough up the dry cleaning money if you make a mess on someone's dress. And lest we forget, the knock-down, redneck fights with the little woman wherein ashtrays were heaved about. Hey, by the way, where were all the anti-smoking nannies then?

The Press, when it comes to candidates on the Left, have resorted to leading, ridiculous questions to make certain candidates look fabulous, at least in their own delusional minds. They've been falling over their own feet in their rush to anoint Madame Hillary. Likely because they also can't seem to get over the fact that Bill Clinton is no longer in the White House. Chris Matthews, as moderator of the first Republican Presidential Debate, even asked the candidates "Should Bill Clinton still be in the White House?". Um, Chris? Term limits? Elections? Have you heard of them? Let it go, dude. He's been out for 6 plus years. It's pathetically similar to the way they don't seem to realize George Bush isn't up for re-election.

As a result, any interview I see lately with Hillary, Bill or Obama (Chris Matthews et al. do now seem to be hedging their bets a bit like the media whores, quite literally, that they are) causes my mind to wander and I see Chris Matthews face change into Michael Palin's. I then hear only:

...Ooh, You are so big...
..ooh, You are so big...
..So absolutely huge.
...So absolutely huge.
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Forgive us, O (insert either Clinton or Obama here), for this, our dreadful toadying, and...
And barefaced flattery.
But You are so strong and, well, just so super.
Fantastic.
Amen.

P.S. If my mind must wander to British men, I'd prefer it wandering to Kevin Godlington. I'd like to see him interview any of the candidates. In fact, I'd pay to see it. Among other things.

Doublethink; Not Just For The Left Any Longer

2007-05-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

I have officially switched from a conservative (small c intentional) to a Libertarian. Why? Because the right is now in collusion with the Left in plundering our liberties. Political Correctness is running amok on BOTH sides of the aisle and I've had enough. Doublethink is now rampant on the Right. Doublethink, as predicted by George Orwell, is holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them. Like proclaiming the belief in Freedom of Speech and Thought and individual liberty, while at the same time passing Hate Crime legislation (legislating THOUGHT), calling for the censoring of individuals with whom you disagree or usurping private business and personal rights by smoking bans.

In the past month or so, the following have all occurred. And these are just 4 examples:

Imus fired for saying Nappy Headed Hos. Words used ALL the time, but somehow punishable only when uttered by a cadaver-like old white guy.

Radio DJs fired for making fun of Chinese restaurants. If that is a crime, I am guilty.

Movies will now base ratings on SMOKING in a film. Yes, just the very SIGHT of smoking is now something that needs to be censored. I won't even get into actual smoking bans again.

Opie and Andy now under fire for an admittedly awful segment that I am in NO way condoning, in which a homeless guest had a delusional rant about violating Secretary Rice, the Queen and Laura Bush. However, I've seen "jokes" about the actual murder of VP Cheney, Pres Bush and others just brushed away. I'd also be willing to bet that most people up in arms over the inclusion of Laura Bush and Condaleeza Rice secretly aren't too upset about the Queen part. I've also read many, many "jokes" on Right minded sites suggesting the violation of Rosie O'Donnell by a man. Is it only offensive when it is about a person you like?

Yes, I know and understand the arguments for "acceptable standards" etc. I get the concept; I just disagree and believe our forefathers would have as well. I find myself amusing. Most people do not. I usually just get odd looks. Some are offended by things I say. Should I be silenced? Wait.......don't answer that; My feelings are delicate. I'll use a better example. Kevin Godlington; he speaks his mind, often in a blunt manner that could upset some whiner. Should he be forced off the air? What about Rush Limbaugh? Greg Gutfeld? Mark Levin? Mark Steyn? You see where I'm going with this.

There is ALWAYS someone that offends someone else. How can we put greater weight on one type of "offense" than another? If we allow that to happen just because we personally don't like the speaker or the speech and we allow them to be vilified and censored, we can then no longer complain about things like this:

School paper not allowed to print FACTS; deemed "harassment".

"The Primary Source published a satirical ad filled with factual assertions and because this angered people it was ruled to be unprotected harassment. If what the complaining students wanted to say was that the TPS facts were wrong, then–while this still would not be harassment–that could have been an interesting debate. But instead, in sadly predictable fashion, the students plowed ahead with a harassment claim that, based on the hearing panel’s decision, appeared not even to raise the issue of whether or not the statements in the ad were true, but turned only on how they made people feel. A panel consisting of both faculty and students found the publication guilty in flagrant abuse of what harassment case law and regulations actually say, and demonstrating total ignorance of the principles of a free society. Even in libel law (one of the oldest exceptions to the rule of free speech is that you can be punished for defaming people) truth is rightfully an absolute defense. Here, the fact that TPS printed verifiable information—with citations—was apparently no defense, nor was the fact that the ad concerned contentious issues of dire global importance. Such an anemic conception of free speech should chill anyone who cares about basic rights and democracy itself.
I doubt that the Tufts disciplinary board thought through the full ramifications of their actions. If a Muslim student had published these same statements in an article calling for reform in Islam, would that be harassment? If Tufts wished to be at all consistent (a dubious bet here), it would be."

It is no longer just a matter of incendiary speech. Now, you are no longer allowed to say anything that might simply offend someone. Even if they are facts. Facts! THAT is the slippery slope about which I've been ranting (and yelling) of late. It isn't slippery any longer. We've reached the bottom.

It is our attitude toward free thought and free expression that will determine our fate. There must be no limit on the range of temperate discussion, no limits on thought. No subject must be taboo. No censor must preside at our assemblies.
William O. Douglas

Restriction on free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us.
William O. Douglas

literature should not be suppressed merely because it offends the moral code of the censor.
William O. Douglas

If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.
George Washington

Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ball game. Free speech is life itself.
Salman Rushdie

Queen age angst

2007-05-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

Now that The Queen's visit to America is over and she's back at the airport, stuffing her musty grey knickers with duty free cigarettes and Swiss chocolate like a huge teabag-faced magpie, we can look back at what she has achieved over the past few weeks.

Firstly, the staff at Virginia airport got a few hours off, during which they were made to stand around and coo whilst the Monarch descended from her economy class flight as though they were a parent applauding a child who had successfully shit into a potty of it's own volition for the first time.

Secondly, she has done more for the popularity of George W Bush in Britain than anything he or his government has done during his time in office. Whether you are for or against his politics, there is no denying that seeing him hop from foot to foot with trepidation as he greeted her like a man with his trembling balls in the teetering mouth of a doberman was an endearing sight. And who can blame him? Being visited by The Queen of England is at least seventeen times scarier than waking to find yourself naked on national television, giant bats having stolen your cock. She is the grandma-you-don't-want-to-come-and-visit of the world.

And by reacting like a lost little boy, just as we all would, Mr Bush has shown to a world that likes to pretend he is in fact some kind of blood sucking space lizard that when an old woman with all the charm of a broken toaster and a disposition so miserable her presence alone makes you pray that the country you are standing on will sink into the sea comes to tea, he hates it as much as the rest of us.

Good on you Mr Bush, you should act human more often. Perhaps making a national address about your disgust that the strange old woman who came to stay and reeked of piss and biscuits had sex in your spare bedroom would be a good start.

Incidentally, no old women ever come to visit me any more. The only house guest that makes me nervous is Kevin Godlington. I'm not saying he's a queen you understand. It's just that my grandma never insisted we share a bed.

D.
myspace.com/davebecomemonster

French Lessons; Socialists, Elections and Riots, oh my!

2007-05-07T13:13:00.000-07:00

I usually find it difficult to distinguish between protesters and the French. Both groups are unwashed, rude, smug and self-involved. With the senses of humour (sense of humours?) the size of gnats, generally. In this case, however, they were one in the same:

"Official figures released on Monday said demonstrators set fire to 730 cars and injured 78 policemen across France, with 592 people arrested in the violent protests against the tough-talking former interior minister."

Hmm, I guess the police don't follow the same rules as the French military. Shouldn't they have followed protocol and automatically surrendered, curled up in the fetal position? How odd!

It warms my heart to see, however, that "hate figures" and slogans cross cultural and lingual lines.

"Sarkozy made his name as a law-and-order hardliner who also tightened France's immigration laws, making him a hate figure for the left. Slogans spray-painted on the streets of Paris overnight included "Sarkozy fascist."

If they added something about either oil or Haliburton, it could have been Seattle. Or San Fransisco. Except for the setting of cars aflame; not good for the carbon emissions problem and all.

I'm waiting to see what will happen when Sarkozy attempts to, as promised, do away with the 35 hour work week. It is a bit ironic that the people protesting when that occurs will likely be ones who do not work at all. Except for, on occasion, car manufacturing. During slow times ( in between surrendering and striking), the French actually do make cars. Sort of. Not for practical use, of course (Hello? Renault or Fiat anyone?), but to have something ready to burn for the next riot. 730 "cars" burned this time; a great success. About $700 in damages.

Sarkozy also ran on a platform of promising to shut down redundant government programs. I'm a little confused over that one, as isn't the term redundant government programs redundant itself? Maybe you need to be French to get it.

I'm rather amused by the reaction from the Left here in the States as well over the defeat of the Socialist, Segolene Royale. I suspect some are just upset that one of the very few tap-worthy chicks in politics lost, but they can't admit to objectifying a woman. Or else they are upset because their claims of "everyone hates America now because of George Bush" aren't standing up to closer examination. Sarkozy ran on a strong Pro-American stance. And won. If America was so unilaterally despised, his much admitted admiration for the United States would surely have sunk his campaign. Sort of like how Joe Lieberman was a goner due to his hawkish Iraq War stance. That didn't work out so well for the Left either.

In any event, I say Kudos, France! I will remain hopeful that the election of Sarkozy will also bode well for the EU. I won't hold my breath, but I'll attempt optimism. Either way, I'm glad to see Chirac finally go. He became so pathetic that I couldn't even muster up the energy to insult him any longer. However, once out of office, the corruption probes against Chirac can begin in earnest which, I guarantee, will provide much fodder for mockery. Joy! Or, rather, Joie!

Random Thoughts & Unanswered Questions

2007-05-04T22:18:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or does Greg Gutfeld look like Fred Savage's slightly deranged, hung-over, funny older brother? Not that there's anything wrong with that; I think it's hot.

Am I the last person in America to notice that whoopee cushions (I don't know why Fred Savage brings to my mind whoopee cushions, but he does) are now self-inflating? How cool is that! It used to be near impossible to blow them up. First you had to find a pencil or something to pry open the flappy part and then you had to try to blow while hysterically, silently cackling in anticipation of the sound. And will I ever mature and find them NOT funny? I picked one up today (loudly announcing it was for my 4 year old daughter. LIAR!) and had it perched waiting on my husband's recliner at 1 and he doesn't even get home until 7. Then slunk around all night, snickering non-stop, casually, strategically placing it everywhere he attempted to sit. (He was not amused. Cranky old man! )

Speaking of men, why are creepy, middle-aged men and militant lesbians so obsessed with my reproductive rights? I have never, not once, woken up thinking "Gee, I hope my reproductive rights are protected today". What are reproductive rights anyway? Wouldn't that mean the right to reproduce? I can see that being a concern in say, China, but I'm pretty sure no one is stopping reproduction here. Dannielynn Smith (or is it Birkhead now?) is proof of that.

Which makes me think of rights that I do care about. Smoking bans infuriate me, but New Jersey's ban in casinos is kind of funny. New Jersey has now forced Atlantic City casinos to go 75% non-smoking, 25% smoking. Why did they choose to make the penny slots the only smoking area? (according to my little brother, who called me from Atlantic City late last night. He was more than a tad inebriated, though.) If second-hand smoke is so deadly, isn't that then putting our most vulnerable citizens, the poor and the elderly, at great risk? Because they are certainly the only ones playing the penny slots. Even I am not that cheap. Is it an under-handed, yet evil genius, scheme to trim the social security and welfare rolls?

Social Security schemes make me think of our esteemed (cough cough) Government and, thus, the next Presidential election. What's up with the whole brouhaha over Mitt Romney being Mormon? It's not like he's a Jehovah's Witness. (sorry, Jehovah's! Was too easy and I'm certain you must be immune to the jokes by now). He won't send people to ring our doorbells incessantly or force us to read Watchtower tracts. At least I don't think that's part of the deal. Plus, I thought Mormonism was kind of hip now after Big Love and all. Personally, I don't care that he's Mormon; I won't vote for him because he is prettier than I and I am just that shallow. And his hair is freakishly perfect.

On the flip side, what's with Obama-mania? Over what? His only real claim to fame seems to me to be the ability to string together a succession of cliches with a serious expression and without cracking himself up. If that is the criteria, I'm starting my own exploratory committee tomorrow.

Clash of the Titans

2007-05-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

Next week Tony Blair will announce that he is to step down as Prime Minister of Great Britain after 10 years in charge. The reins of government will then be handed over to Gordon Brown, upon whom Shrek was based. This is a worrying development. Gordon Brown, like Peter Falk, has only got one eye. That means that within weeks, Britain will be run by a Cyclops. Now, I don't know a lot about Greek mythology, but this has to bad news. Soon the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan will be the least of our worries.

Before long, The Kracken, a hideous man-serpent, will emerge from the sea and capture 15 of our ugliest Navy personnel before parading them on television wearing really bad suits, smoking cigarettes and looking like they'd be more adept asking "fries with that?" than they would protecting their country by patrolling the oceans. The whole country will then begin to suspect that the British Royal Navy consists entirely of malnourished, mentally subnormal chimps in nice uniforms.

Hydra, a snake type creature with loads of heads, will release videos of himself wearing a selection of really shit bandanas wrapped around his many faces, holding some guns and ranting incoherently about martyrdom in front of what appears to be his grandma's curtains.

And finally, in a sex scandal that will shake Parliament to it's very core, it will transpire that late at night, Cyclops Brown sneaks into the House of Commons and humps Medusa over the Speaker's chair. And because he's a politician, he probably pays her to use his chest as a toilet as well, the dirty mythological beast.

Frankly, the thought of the country being run by a Cyclops terrifies me. Thats why I'm going to move to Japan, where I hear Prime Minister Godzilla has been making some excellent improvements to public transport and the health service.

So Long, Gideon. Hello, An Inconvenient Truth

2007-05-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

California Hotels Go Green With Low-Flow Toilets, Solar Lights

By Ari Levy and Carole Zimmer

April 27 (Bloomberg) -- Visitors to the Gaia Napa Valley Hotel and Spa won't find the Gideon Bible in the nightstand drawer. Instead, on the bureau will be a copy of ``An Inconvenient Truth,'' former Vice President Al Gore's book about global warming.

They'll also find the Gaia equipped with waterless urinals, solar lighting and recycled paper as it marches toward becoming California's first hotel certified as ``green,'' or benevolent to the environment. Similar features are found 35 miles south at San Francisco's Orchard Garden Hotel, which competes for customers with neighboring luxury hotels like the Ritz-Carlton and Fairmont.

I'll miss the Gideon bibles. I know Global Warming is also a religion and all, but still. That was always the first thing for which I checked upon entering a hotel room because I'll be damned if I don't get everything I paid for. That, and the sad little 3 sheet thick notepad. I've lost an easy, stand-by joke as well. The old pull out the bible, point and snicker and wiggle your eyebrows like a lecher while asking "Shall we peruse the passages on fornication?"or "Guess we won't be needing this tonight, heh heh" or something just as cringe-worthy along those lines. (Please tell me that isn't just me. If it is, be kind and politely avert your eyes.) Man, I'm so going to hell. Which I now picture as being stuck on a bio-diesel bus in perpetuity with Laurie David, Sheryl Crow, Al Gore and one roll of toilet paper among us.

It's changes like this that make me feel old and reminiscent for times past. It started with the demotion of Pluto. I started imagining the hurling of insults like "You are so old that in your day Pluto was a planet". Which led me to start thinking of other things from the good old days. Like celebrities.

Remember when things like Hanoi Jane Fonda were a one-off? A huge deal that was discussed for literally YEARS. Other celebrities would get drunk or stoned and make a fool of themselves on occasion, causing mass snickering and fervor due, in part, to the novelty of it. Now, it is a daily event and I can no longer work up any enthusiasm for it. Sooo last decade.

Like little black books. The discovery of a Madam and a little black book used to be reason for great excitement. Now, who cares? The DC Madam's book has, so far, uncovered some loser in the State Dept whom no one knows. I had to invent my own version of a page from the DC Madam's book just to interest myself in the story. The page in my head contains notes of special requests from men who are into paradox. Or irony. I get those two confused. Part of my page looks like this:

Tom Tancredo: standing order for a Mexican "masseuse".
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Likes to role-play as a Republican.
Bill Clinton: NOT a customer.
Ted Kennedy: requests Teetotalers only.
Harry Reid: prefers to dress as a baby......... Wait, that one is true, I think.

Gone also are the days of shock over the discovery of a female teacher having an affair with a young male student. Today, it is a given. And they don't even have to marry the lads afterwards. (trailblazer Mary Kay Letourneau is kicking herself black and blue for breaking that glass ceiling a few years too soon). No more glorious, self-righteous indignation over a fallen man of the cloth either. Lord how I miss Jimmy Swaggart, tears running streaks through his make-up, hands in the air howling "Forgive me. I have sinned". Today, it isn't just a simple tryst in a hotel room with a woman. Far too much information is given now, which makes it a tad bit gross and no longer funny. Or at least not as funny.

Which brings me back, sort of, to the Bible. And hotels.

Thank you for your years of quiet service, Gideon. I'll remember you fondly. I'm now off to listen to my Walkman (an early ipod, for those born after 1980) and wax melancholy over the loss of music that just was and whose most daring political statement was Like a Virgin. Or else lay outside sunning, imagining life before tanning was deemed not good for you. I can't decide which.

Blind, Deaf and Dumb; Human Rights Watch Sets Sights on Walmart

2007-04-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

'ok I thought the photo apt, on the blind, deaf and dumb theme not sure what girl number 4 is animating though' -kevin

NEW YORK—Wal-Mart's exploitation of weak U.S. labor laws interferes with workers' rights to organize and violates the human rights of its employees, according to a report by Human Rights Watch, an independent nongovernment organization.
In a 210-page report released Monday, Human Rights Watch said Wal-Mart uses an arsenal of sophisticated tactics—some of which it says are illegal_ aimed at thwarting union organization and creating a climate of fear for its 1.3 million U.S. workers.
The Human Rights Watch study was based on interviews with 41 current and former Wal-Mart workers, managers, labor lawyers and union organizers between 2004 and early 2007."

So, apparently, one of the most pressing human rights issues today is the evil Walmart. At least according to the Left's great bastion of moral authority, Human Rights Watch. It must be true; they did interview a whopping 41 current and former employees of Walmart (out of a current 1.3 MILLION) together with the always unbiased union leaders. My local Walmart SuperCenter has more than 41 workers in the grocery section alone, but whatever. I'm no human rights expert.

While I agree that the fluorescent lighting is an affront to women (as are most of their fashion offerings), I tend to think there are more egregious violations out there. The stoning to death of women perhaps? Beheadings? Sharia Law? The lobbing of rockets into Israel? The Iranian Mullahs? The seeming epidemic of radio-active poison deaths in Russia? Al Gore?

No, no. Walmart. Walmart not unionizing is far worse. Not only that, but they cloak themselves in a " climate of fear", for goodness sake. Far, far more insidious and evil. By the by, I thought the fear deal was Bush's bag? Does Karl Rove now work for Walmart and is he wielding his wizard's wand of fear there?

Even Hillary Clinton is in on the act. During the Democrat Presidential Debate, and I use that term loosely, she said when asked about Walmart:

"as they grew much bigger, though, they have raised serious questions about the responsibility of corporations and how they need to be a leader when it comes to providing health care and having safe working conditions and not discriminating on the basis of sex or race or any other category. Brian, this is all part, though, of how this Administration and corporate America today don't see middle class and working Americans. They are invisible. They don't understand that if you're a family that can't get health care, you're really hurting."

Pardon me while I pick myself up from the floor where I am literally curled into a ball in fits of laughter. That is really amusing coming from a woman who, until recently and then only in order to carpetbag, never lived in a home that wasn't paid for directly by the public coffers. Who paid for NOTHING on her own, except for, perhaps, her personal fleet of private detectives. The same woman who came up with the almost incomprehensible, totally impractical and roundly rejected HillaryCare health plan. Gee, Hillary, Walmart offers $4 prescription drugs and is now adding affordable Health Clinics to all their SuperCenters. I think they win. (Yes, I do harbor an intense hatred for Hillary Clinton that is almost palpable. And I loathe her pantsuits with an unhealthy passion. They offend me as a woman).

But I digress. I suppose the point of my rambling is that I would just like to know exactly why anyone pays the slightest bit of attention to this group. This is the same group that whined and wrung their hands over Saddam's trial. It wasn't "fair", they complained. Somehow, I think the close to a million people killed in his vicious acts, including mass genocide, would beg to differ. All told, to little old me, this group is as worthless, inept and inane as the United Nations. But that's another story.

Brian Williams and the Seven Dwarfs: Highlights from the Democrat Presidential Debate

2007-04-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know there were 8 candidates in attendance, but I am discounting Senator Dodd as irrelevant. So, I'll concentrate on the other 7. Details may be sketchy because, as some know, I had to invent a drinking game for myself in order to sit through the entire 90 minutes. My rules were to drink each time the phrases "civil war", "redeployment" or "the American people have spoken" were uttered, which meant that I was fairly trashed before the midway point.

The clear winner to me, albeit through a tipsy haze, was Senator Gravel who played the role of Grumpy. Grumpy, who clearly dislikes all the other candidates and most everything on Earth, and who made that refreshingly apparent, offered 2 of the best lines of the evening. To wit, "Why do we spend so much money on the military? Who are we afraid of?" (by the end of the evening I had amended my personal response to "Um, you?") and "I feel like a potted plant over here". Wrong, sir. At least a potted plant creates its own carbon offsets. Or at least I think it does; I'm a little confused by the whole offset/footprint thing. I don't do well with indulgences.

Kucinich, a close second favorite, played the role of Dopey, as usual, with another good line...."there is no War on Terror". And he has actually filed Articles of Impeachment papers on VP Dick "Cross me and I'll take you hunting" Cheney. "Nuff said.

Sleepy was played by John Edwards who appeared to doze off when asked "Who is your moral leader?". After a full 12 seconds of painful and rather embarrassing silence, he awoke, sadly, to squeak out "uh.....my lord?" (the word Jesus is as taboo as nappy headed ho, apparently) and "oh yeah.... my wife too". Snooze.

Joe Biden, who usually nearly tears limbs off of Senator Charles "Cheese" Schumer in a battle for camera time, in an ironic twist took on the role of Bashful. In answer to a question with regards to whether or not he'd be able to curb his propensity to windbaggedness (word?) and gaffes, he answered a pithy "yes". That was pretty much his main contribution for the night.

The Messiah, aka Barak Obama was Happy. Not only because he caused me to drink the most, but also due to the mindless look of blissful ignorance on his face, which matched his answers. He answered almost every question with "the American people have spoken", "unlike this administration" or "we need non-faulty intelligence". Hint, Happy: Bush ain't running again.

Madame Hillary took on Doc. She, admittedly, appeared the most prepared. Which isn't all that surprising since she's been an accomplished actress her entire married life. Playing the role of a loving, heterosexual wife and all. Plus, she already knows how to say things like a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy with a straight face.

Governor Richardson was Sneezy, as he simply stood there, slightly trembling yet frozen in place like that overly coked-up guy at every party who stands in the corner with the "Stop looking at me! Why am I here? I want my Mommy" look on his face.

Well, that's really all you need to know. The rest was excruciatingly insipid with the post-analysis done by Chris Matthews and good old Olby being far more entertaining (Olberman kept talking about the "so-called" War on Terror. Priceless). Next up, the Republican Debate on Thursday. My drinking rules for that one will be to drink each time the phrases "family values", "I personally hate abortion... But" and "surge" are offered. Luckily, I've stocked up on wine.

When Harry Met Allies

2007-04-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

There is much debate in Britain right now as to whether Prince Harry, a young man so pointless that the world's most eminent scientists are still trying to prove conclusively that he isn't in fact just a massive fart, should go with the Army regiment he serves in to fight in Iraq. In my opinion he has more cause to go than any other member of the British Army, on the grounds that of the two things he joined to protect, 'Queen and Country', at least one of them is his grandma. If people joined the Army to fight for the protection of 'David Whitehouse's Grandma and Country', I'd be in Iraq too. It's only fair.

There are those that argue he shouldn't go however. They believe that whilst his fellow soldiers are out fighting in the desert, Prince Harry would provide a better service to the nation sitting at home in a massive pile of diamonds, eating wild boar fed on gold and the testicles of peasants. They say that it would be a national disaster if he were to get taken hostage, or worse, killed. Thankfully, Abu Zaid, a senior member of the insurgent militia in Iraq, has made this promise:

"We will be generous with him. We will return him to his grandmother, The Queen, but without ears".

You can't beat an insurgent with a sense of humour. I imagine their television comedy is a sight to behold. Besides, if Harry's ears grow anything like as big as his dads, a man who is looking more and more like his own Madame Tussauds figure left too close to a radiator, he'll probably be thankful.

That's enough about the armed forces, I'll leave that to the experts. Or if they're not around, Kev.

Oh, and in unrelated news, Hugh Grant, a man blessed with all the charm and charisma experienced when finding six arses in your breakfast cereal, has been arrested for throwing baked beans at a member of the paparazzi. Read that sentence again... it's the single most British thing that's ever happened in history. Ever.

A drunken French election Keira Knightley epiphany

2007-04-23T05:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after the first round of the French elections it became apparent that the far right politician Jean-Marie Le Pen, a huge angry testicle in glasses, won't be the next President of France. French politics doesn't normally concern me, but this man's questionable attitudes towards topics that have the power to worsen the way of life of many, many people are, well, largely abhorrent. If I came home one day and found him in my kitchen I'd go and stand in the garden. If I came home one day and found a framed picture of him in the kitchen, I'd go and fetch a spade from the garden and use it to smash the framed picture to a million tiny pieces. Only then would I question the sanity of someone who would not only frame a picture of a Jean-Marie Le Pen, but then have the gall to leave it in my kitchen. I hope that if one day the planet Mars crashes into the Earth it lands directly on his car. And I hope that when it does it's wearing a massive, planet-sized t-shirt that says 'Jean-Marie Le Pen has a head that looks a bit like a huge angry testicle', just so that we can all look at the pictures and laugh about it together afterwards.

The question is, had he got into power would I have been too apathetic to have protested about it? The answer is probably yes.

Meanwhile, in very probably unrelated news, it's my birthday today. I went out to celebrate it on Saturday and early on Sunday found myself in a very nice bar, which was also being frequented by the actress Keira Knightley, the incredibly attractive daughter of a duck and a broom. Normally I'm never particularly moved to stare at people, it's just rude, but because she's famous and I was drunk I was staring at her as I crossed the bar. This is why I walked straight into an enormous stuffed horse, an actual stuffed horse which I'd previously not noticed, and knocked myself unconscious. Friends reported later that Keira stifled a giggle. The horse was unharmed, if a little embarrassed.

Now, do I care more about looking at Keira Knightley than I do the election of tyrant in waiting Jean-Marie Le Pen? Secretly, yes I do. And if enough people are as stupid as me at 2am on a Sunday morning and become more interested in the faintest flickering of celebrity than they do much more important things, then one day someone like Jean-Marie Le Pen will get in. And by then it will be too late to go and stand in the garden. We'll all have been knocked out by a stuffed horse, sitting on the floor of a bar covered in booze and wondering where it came from like a drunken loser. And remember, the drunken loser never gets to go home with the pretty duck/broom lady. There is a lesson in that for us all. Probably, somewhere.

Religion of Peace; Not so peaceful when it comes to women

2007-04-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

No longer can we remain apathetic, fooled into a false sense of security by our errant belief that such things can only possibly happen in far off places. It is here now; at home in the US. As in the UK and Europe.

Western Pennsylvania:

"A community debate over religious freedom surfaced in Western Pennsylvania last week when Dutch feminist author Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a Somali refugee who has lived under the threat of death for denouncing her Muslim upbringing, made an appearance at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown.

Imam Fouad ElBayly, president of the Johnstown Islamic Center, was among those who objected to Hirsi Ali's appearance.

"She has been identified as one who has defamed the faith. If you come into the faith, you must abide by the laws, and when you decide to defame it deliberately, the sentence is death," said ElBayly, who came to the U.S. from Egypt in 1976."

Ayaan Hirsi Ali, the author of Infidel, came here to America after she had to flee the Netherlands under threats of death by radical Islamists. The reason? She spoke. She spoke about the atrocities committed against women under fanatical Islamic faith. She spoke out against the physical mutilation of women by radical Muslims. She renounced the faith. For that, she lived in constant fear for her life.

She came here, to America, believing she would be safe. She is now under 24/7 security. Yes, in America. The supposed Land of the Free where Freedom of Speech is an unalienable right. Apparently not, however, if you choose to say anything against radical Islam.

Where are the Feminists now? Why are they not holding rallies or at the very least speaking out against the Islamists who want to KILL Ms. Ali for the crime of speaking her mind? Are they too busy crying that the Supreme Court upheld a partial birth abortion ban? Justice Ginsburg dissented in that case and called the majority opinion "alarming" and accused the 5 man majority of sexism and paternalism. Barbara Boxer immediately set about decrying the decision as a danger to women. Well, Justice Ginsburg, I believe KILLING women for SPEAKING is a tad more alarming, sexist and paternalistic, don't you? Ms. Boxer, genital mutilation and death threats are a real danger, no? Does THAT not bother you?

In fact, the first American article I could find on Ms. Ali was a New Yorker magazine interview wherein the interviewer made snide comments about Ms. Ali's "conservative" ties in Washington and ended with a jibe at President Bush. Yes, that's right. The article was more concerned with trying to pin a politcal agenda on Ms. Ali than with the atrocities she suffered as a child under Islamic rule or the very real death threats she's been receiving for years.

The left accuses President Bush on an almost daily basis of fear mongering. They claim he uses fear to influence us poor, stupid, gullible Americans. It is not President Bush that uses fear, but rather radical Islamists. The left falls for the very same tactic they accuse President Bush of using. Why else would they not speak out against the vile practices against Women? And children? And any and all "infidels"? They are afraid. They are afraid of what radical Islamists would do if anyone dared speak out against them. They see what happened when the Danish cartoons of Mohammed appeared in print, for example. They use the guise of political correctness to cover up the simple fact that they are afraid. They've stopped teaching about the Holocaust and the Crusades in some schools waving the banner of "too controversial; it might offend some students". Since when is the Holocaust controversial? We now must teach our children based on a madman's beliefs? So as not to "offend"?

It is time WE, the people, demand an end to the fear. Why are we allowing it? Because it doesn't affect us personally? That is where we are wrong. It does affect us all. And will affect us in ways we can't even fathom if we let it continue. Ms. Ali is not safe here........here in what I truly thought was the last bastion of freedom and liberty. I love my Country; The shining city on a hill about which John Winthrop wrote on his voyage here, looking for a land that would be free. Ronald Reagan spoke about that shining city. He said:

"after 200 years, two centuries, she still stands strong and true on the granite ridge, and her glow has held steady no matter what storm. And she's still a beacon, still a magnet for all who must have freedom, for all the pilgrims from all the lost places who are hurtling through the darkness, toward home."

Does that mean anything any longer? Will we let fear and false claims of tolerance destroy that shining city of freedom? I pray that we won't.

Ms. Ali gives us fair warning here and in her book, Infidel. I have to believe we will listen to Ms. Ali, and others, and heed their warnings.

Act 3 - Iran

2007-04-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

The last Stoning in Iran was last week! Digging chicks into the sand unto their waist and pelting them with rocks is pretty damn depraved. What year is this 2007? Or am I meant to be on the Islamic calendar Hijrah year 1428, that’s sounds more relevant to their medieval sadomasachisms . It amazes me that in a world where the West is vilified for it actions against tyrant states that the United Nations with all its power and funding still refuses to take robust action against the governments that persist in committing atrocities against their own people. Its impotency (and I know I have served on 4 UN Operations) knows no bounds and acting against its voice indicts you to comparison of that of the tyrant States themselves. It pains me to realise that in the 62 years since the Holocaust I have witnessed genocide in both Bosnia and Rwanda and that the promises we made on the alters of sacrifice during the Second World War have not been honoured nor heeded. Should we have gone into Iraq to remove Saddam Hussein and his Bathist party? Yes, did we do it right. No, and is there ever a right or wrong way to do these things. No. Should we look to removing the Iranian regime and its follow up lunatic group the Republican Guard, Yes. Should we smash their insanely inhuman practices like we did with the Taliban in Afghanistan? Yes. Why? Because they are all finely linked, tuned into the same dynamic evil, one funds the next and supports the other, Iran is the world Islamic power and will continue to rise and corrupt Muslims in my country and yours and the four corners of the globe until they are stopped.

Never has the world seen a more psychologically brainwashed enemy that despite its humble beginnings from the Prophet Mohammed has risen to be the cancer of the planet, it shows no respect for women or children, its contempt for ‘infidels’ and other religions is unfathomable its disgust at capitalism, the very thing that has brought employment and prosperity to more people than any fascist or communist regime. Not since the third Reich and Nazi Germany have we seen such a manifestation. And it grows by the day. An enemy that will sacrifice itself in the execution of its evil. We are bound in the west by the rule of law and democracy, we are reasonable people, come talk to us, 2nd generation British Muslims post Second World War did not act as you are doing now! Why? What is your problem? Why won’t you conform to our ways in the UK and the US, why won’t you accept our generosity? We needn’t be in this situation; you left your Arab nations for a reason. If you don’t want to conform to our culture and ways, go home! Speak out against your regimes back in your places of birth, help us help them and together we could resolve so much of the worlds misery. Arab nations could be hugely powerful affluent economies, look at Dubai, look at the modern day Saudi Arabia. But instead you spout religious hatred and inspire a worldwide Jihad. Crazy, pointless and futile.

Where am I going with this…. Is the sacrifice of 3500 British and US Troops and the 50,000 Iraqis now dead in this mess worth it. Well let’s do some sums, the arithmetic is an imprecise venture. The largest number of deaths attributable to Mr. Hussein's regime resulted from the war between Iraq and Iran between 1980 and 1988, which was launched by Mr. Hussein. Iraq says its own toll was 500,000, and Iran's reckoning ranges upward of 300,000. Then there are the casualties in the wake of Iraq's 1990 occupation of Kuwait 100,000 deaths. Either way we have about a million people once we throw in a few Kurds that this f*****g lunatic had a hand in killing. I hate this bit. My point is on the grand scheme of things in the preposterous arrogance of weighing up human life against what if scenarios our losses and indeed future losses still spit out the same results. Rather we prevent him killing another million by what we have done than sat there limp like the French.

And so to the questions those liberal minded peoples ask. Why did the US and the UK invade Iraq and Afghanistan, for oil? For revenge? To liberate? The answer. Because no one else had the courage to. Bi-products of this could be stopping a nuke landing on Israel or the removal of three militant, evil and disgusting regimes that neither knows humility nor mercy. It’s not now its not next year, one day, just one day someone’s children will thank us.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

Edmund Burke (1729-1797),

I say, let history be our judge. Statescraft is tough and its always about the wider picture, you dont have to agree but you should try to understand.

Why you should never divorce a Beatle

2007-04-20T03:50:00.000-07:00

In Britain, the tabloid press hate Heather Mills McCartney, the doe-eyed dancing uniped. They say she is a money grabbing liar, a malicious former glamour model and prostitute. They have picked her out and vilified her. She is a hate figure, and the people of the UK have responded in kind.

The trouble is, the people don't know why. This is the influence of the gutter press. In fact, if you were to go onto the streets of England and ask a random passer by why they hate Heather Mills McCartney, 36% of the public would blame her for the Virginia Tech massacre, 44% the war in Iraq, 12% the break up of The Beatles and the rest wouldn't have the brains to resist shitting into their own teapot if a magazine told them it was cool. Frankly, I'm surprised every morning when I wake up and look at the front cover of the newspaper to find that she hasn't beaten a disabled child to death with her plastic leg.

As far as I can tell, her only real crime is falling our with Sir Paul McCartney, a man who it's impossible to look at without thinking of your embarrassing uncle dancing at a wedding, smoking a joint with his cool nephew, being sick on his shoes and getting carried home by his furious wife. One things for sure though... if she does get her hands on his millions come the divorce she'll no doubt act like a typical woman and spend it all on shoe. That's my best joke by the way.

Other tabloid hate figures include Pete Doherty, who looks like the end result might if the people who work at Jim Henson's Creature Workshop decided to make a giant muppet based upon a potato. They don't hate him because he's a yellow-fingered drug addict with a piss-weak claim to musical talent, they hate him because he gets to sleep with British fashion icon Kate Moss, which is a bit like having sex with a really attractive exercise bike, but a British fashion icon nonetheless.

Have you spotted a trend yet? That's right, the British hate people who get to have sex with British icons. It's why we don't particularly like Prince Charles (a man whose face is part horse, part scrotum) and it's why we never got on with Yoko Ono (the world's luckiest koala bear). And it's why Heather Mills McCartney should stop answering back, take the money and go and live quietly in a huge mansion somewhere with her good foot in her mouth. Against the British tabloid press, you just can't win.

Simon Says...

2007-04-19T04:52:00.000-07:00

Simon Cowell, the only man alive to have both a short back and sides and a centre parting at the same time, has been accused of 'rolling his eyes' on American Idol while one of the contestants paid tribute to the victims of the shootings at Virginia Tech. Simon took time out from shitting money to refute the claims. The oddly-shaped pop impresario said that he couldn't hear what was being said on stage due to microphone issues, and was actually rolling his eyes because he was discussing said contestants dismal performance with fellow judge Paula Abdul, a woman who looks like a lion might if it became human for a day.

The story makes the front page of the BBC news website and countless others no doubt. Meanwhile, 32 families and countless friends mourn their loss, the world keeps turning, and some pigshit-brained oxygen thieving media moron smugly pats themself on the back for managing to spin out a horrific tragedy by attaching a half-baked celebrity gossip story to it.

They remain blissfully unaware that somewhere in deep space the devil has manifested itself as an enormous arse the size of the moon and is currently wiping itself on their soul for all eternity.

Celebrity Passport Confiscation

2007-04-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

In the sticky grip of summer, 1997 seemed like a good time to change the world. Tony Blair's reinvigorated Labour party swept into power. Princess Diana died, which isn't a good thing of course, but it seemed as though a shift in the structure of the monarchy was afoot. These were exciting times. As it transpired, all that really occured was that florists made lots of money and Helen Mirren grimaced her way to an Oscar ten years later doing an impression of an elderly woman sucking piss from a thistle. Oh, and we all got a day off work.

My personal highlight of this time though was percussive arsewit Phil Collin's assertion that if Labour did get into power, he'd emigrate to Switzerland. What had Switzerland done to deserve this? Nothing. Literally... nothing. They've never done anything at all. Collin's meanwhile proved once and for all that he was a tit of some incredible magnitude.

I was reminded of this recently when aged one-trick-pony Sean Connery, a man who looks increasingly like a grey owl at the point of climax, stated that he'd only leave his castle made entirely from gold in the Bahamas to move back to his native Highlands if Scotland voted for independence at the next election. That's not just a good reason not to vote for independence. It's a good reason to nuke the Bahamas.

The question is, which celebrity would you most like to see not only stop talking politics publicly, but also ram their passport right up their arse?

Poor Hillary Has No Friends

2007-04-17T15:05:00.000-07:00

Hillary Has One Senate Endorsement

"Sen. Hillary Clinton is said to be among the hardest working and most respected senators, so say the media spinmeisters.

But so far, Sen. Clinton has won the endorsement of just one senatorial colleague in her bid to run for president, according to The Hill newspaper.

The lone Clinton supporter is, not surprisingly, Sen. Charles Schumer, her fellow Democrat from New York.

Hillary has also won the endorsement of 26 members of House of Representatives. But here's another interesting factoid: of the 26 House members backing Clinton, all but five are from her home state of New York.

Hillary’s base of congressional support appears narrow and shallow when compared to other presidential candidates who have backing that is far more diverse."

Full article here

For some reason, this strikes me as hysterically funny. The one who was to be crowned Madame (or Comrade) President with ease, can't even get her fellow Democrats to back her. Guess they are all hedging their bets. Or else they have more brains than I thought and can't stand her either. Can't say as I blame them, either way.

Free Advice for you, Ms. Rodham hyphen Clinton: Get a personality, lose the cankles and stop pretending you are from Selma, Alabama.

April is the Cruelest Month

2007-04-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

April is the cruelest month. T.S. Eliot's words ring very true today.

I'm generally positive and content; outraged only when I know we are capable of better. But at times the world pains me. Today is such a time.

My thoughts and my heart are with all who senselessly died today and with their families, who will have a hole in their hearts, a missing piece, each day forward without their loved ones.

Why I don't like Feminist/Sensitive Men

2007-04-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

So, since I blathered on regarding why Feminists aren't my cup of tea, in the interest of equality, I will offer Feminist/Sensitive men the same courtesy.

Enough with the "feelings". If I want to discuss feelings, I'll call my sister.

The fact that you care more about my uterus and its "rights" than I do is kinda gross.

You don't open doors for me out of fear of offending my independent sensibilities; I'm offended that you think I want to heave open my own door. Some of them are heavy and since I'm partial to heels, I'm always slightly off-balance.

When watching a sad movie, I need to be able to cry on your shoulder and not the other way around. Men should only cry in public when drunk and melancholy. Or while watching Remember Me by Lizzie Palmer. If that doesn't make you at least teary-eyed, you must be a heartless bastard.

Reciting poetry is not good foreplay. It isn't even bad foreplay.

Your political stances don't wash. You rant and rave at injustices for women in America, yet you want to have conversations and dialogue with people who actually DO subjugate women, treat them like chattel and stone them to death for things like, oh, walking on the street alone.

There is no need to constantly validate my feelings. I already know they are valid. As should you, so please stop asking me to validate yours.

I don't feel all empowered when you expect me to pump my own gas. Be a man and pump it for me. Show some respect.....it could mess up my manicure. Plus, it's stinky.

Be an alpha male once in a while and make a decision. I'm not George W. Bush and, thus, feel no compelling urge to be the "decider" all the time.

Those icky little socialist beards.

Cheney is sexy. Alan Alda is not.

Got Kleenex? You'll need them. Troops Video

2007-04-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've no comments, for once. Only tears.

Please watch the entire video. And never forget.

Remember Me, by Lizzie Palmer

Michigan Governor Stealing Private Donations to Vets

2007-04-13T20:03:00.000-07:00

Please read the article here

Yes, that is right. Not only is she cutting money to our brave veterans, but she is freezing PRIVATELY DONATED funds. Not only is she in charge of tax dollars, but she is also in charge of charitable donations. What world is this?

The Democrats in Michigan, after 2 received a nice free trip to California courtesy of Apple, want to provide free Ipods to all schoolchildren in Michigan. Yet, they want to take away money, privately donated no less, from Veterans.

I am sickened by this. I also won't hold my breath for it to be reported on CNN, MSNBC et al.

$185,000 to provide these honorable men and women with a little entertainment and recreation....not even anything extravagant. We are talking about things like donuts and trips to butterfly exhibits. Surely, surely they are entitled to this and far more. If anyone is entitled to anything, it is our Veterans. I'd go so far as to say they are the only people who are literally entitled. They have served us all and paid dearly for it, in ways that those of us who haven't served will never know.

Veteran Harold Ott said it best:

“They can give up their free lunches, and their free cars and their free gas in Lansing,” said volunteer Donald Kramer. “Put that money back in the veterans homes where it belongs. If it wasn’t’ for you veterans, Lansing wouldn’t be here and them people wouldn’t have a job.”

10 Reasons to love the South

2007-04-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

In my case, specifically, South Carolina. Post your own reasons, too.

Waffle House & the fact that directions are given in regards to the proximity to a Waffle House
Simply add Bless your heart or Isn't that precious immediately prior to or after an insult and you absolve yourself of any offense. (bet it would have worked for Imus)
School vouchers are seriously on the table.
Easter Egg Hunt is called, shockingly, an Easter Egg Hunt and not a Spring Celebration with Bunny as it was called in my hometown in NJ.
Bar owners sued over the smoking ban in downtown Greenville. And won.
Bars outside of city limits post signs saying "We accommodate smokers".
Women dress up, coif and put on full make-up to do their grocery shopping. Vindication!
The Civil War is called The War of Yankee Aggression.
The right to bear arms is a given.
I get to call my husband "my baby daddy". Come to think of it, he isn't amused. Perhaps I should stop that. ..............nah.

One more step closer to Socialized Medicine

2007-04-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

Well done, Senate Committee! What's the matter, competition working too well for you? The free market, such as Walmart offering drugs for $4, is peeing in your sand box?

Read more here

This guy nails it:

"This is not a debate about lowering the drug costs for seniors. That's already happening," HHS Secretary Mike Leavitt told reporters earlier. "This is a surrogate for a larger issue, which is government- run health care."

When are we going to stop these f*ckers

2007-04-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

Another 4 young lives come home in body bags, in bits and unrecognisable to their families. Their bodies (parts) lumped into coffins and the weight made up with sand bags to give the feel of a full box!

Killed by Iran, killed by ordnance, IED's and explosives and weapons smuggled across the lawless borders.

My evidence in mitigation, not on the balance of probability but beyond reasonable doubt. Facts.

the continued development of nuclear material for the intended application of nuclear weapons
up to 1000 soldiers arguably killed by Iran (1000's more wounded and maimed)
recent illegal capture and interrogation of British Servicemen for 13 days whilst executing a UN Mandate in Iraqi territorial waters.

where will this all end? When will the UN and the international community take out sanctions against this tyrant.

Ex-UN Ambassador Bolton says Iran Emboldened after British Hostage incident

2007-04-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

I know I might be alone here, but I like John Bolton. A lot. And I find myself agreeing with him more often than not.

However, I truly hope he is wrong now. In a recent article, he stated:

“Emboldened as Iran now is, and ironically for engagement advocates, it is even less likely there will be a negotiated solution to the nuclear weapons issue, not that there was ever much chance of one".

“Iran, sensing weakness, has every incentive to ratchet up its nuclear weapons programme, increase its support to Hamas, Hezbollah and others and perpetrate even more serious terrorism in Iraq.

“The world will be a more dangerous place as a result.

“The only thing risen from this crisis is Iranian determination and resolve to confront us elsewhere, at their discretion, whether on Iraq, nuclear weapons and terrorism.”

I hope he is wrong this time. But I suspect he isn't. And that is rather frightening.

Keep DEA Out of Health Care.

2007-04-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

Bear with me here, please. First attempt, which is hindered further by the fact that I've been out of the "real" world & home with a toddler (now 4 years old) for the past 3 years, resulting in a tendency towards scatter-brained rambling.

Thanks to Kevin for the diversion from the mind-numbing exploits of Dora the Explorer et al., which also serves to slow the pace of my turning into some loon screeching in outrage at Wolf Blitzer or Bill O'Reilly on the TV screen as if they can hear me. For now, I can vent my outrage at y'all instead (moved to SC 2 years ago and still trying to master the use of y'all vs all y'all. Indulge me, please.)

Now, to the point of my rambling, my most recent peeve is the utterly ridiculous DEA raids on medical marijuana clinics. One such raid is described in this article located here.

The dispensary has been operating in the city through a business license for about a year. Voter-approved state law allows medical marijuana but conflicts with a federal law that restricts pot. Federal authorities can make arrests and file charges for selling the drug.

State rights be damned! The DEA will charge in to the rescue! While I am personally not a huge fan of pot (My short-term memory loss is bad enough plus I am vain and terrified of getting the munchies), I am awfully tired of Nannies getting their knickers in a knot over Grandma lighting up a little doobie or eating a "cookie" to help her cataracts. Or a chemo patient, who is having a hard enough time just surviving and is looking for some slight relief of his or her pain and nausea.

I say "Smoke 'em if you've got 'em", Grandma. Who knows, maybe toking up will also help her relate more to her grandchildren and isn't that a good thing? Anything for the children, right?

The butting in by the DEA also serves to strengthen my absolute horror at even the hint of nationalized health care. Can you imagine putting the Nannies in charge of ALL your health care? Of either party? But that's another rant, along with smoking bans, lack of school choice, people who confuse the right to bear arms with "but you can still hunt", John Edwards and Sanjaya. Not necessarily in that order.

Lori

Press to buy captured Navy personnel stories for six figured sums

2007-04-08T06:01:00.000-07:00

Hm mm. I have been pondering this one. I have friends who have made a lot of money out of their book sales for deeds done behind them, mainly Special Forces tales of daring doe, in many cases rightly so, history needs to be told through eyes that live it. We all like a good heroes home tale. But. I cant help thinking its all gone a bit too far, that was until I figured this was a smart tactical move by our Government and Ministry of Defence. The publicity this will generate in all facets of the media and all of which that will be negative to the Iranian authorities has to be a good thing. These stories will include moments when weapons were cocked behind the blindfolded heads of the captured sailors and tails of hoods, shackles and solitary deprivation and sensory denial. This is great reading for all the liberal hacks back home reading the ever intellectually dwindling tabloid press. It bolsters our case immensly against the regime in Tehran.

But its still not morally right. I would never sell my secrets (and shit I have plenty) nor would I discuss the ordeal in detail for all to paw at. This story is not secretive and its not sensistive so does it matter that they tell their tale and profit. The worlds press has implied and inferred that these servicemen and woman did not act appropriately and pandered to the Iranians Early on, these guys feel they want to have their answers heard and their critics thereby answered, it is their free right as defenders of it to do so. I wasn't there I could not comment, their arrival in Iran would have been unnerving and highly concerning, they made the right decision to NOT engage the 6 heavily armed gun boats when all they had was assault rifles and 7 marines in a inflatable boat. discretion is the better part of valour i have learnt after years on service in conflict zones. The Iranians set out that day with a clear objective, capture British Servicemen and commence an international incident.

Under normal circumstances selling of stories would be wrong but I cant help thinking this is a important component of modern spin doctoring and diplomacy. Iran's behavior has not strengthened their position merely enlightened us further to the mockery they make out of their governmental power and statecraft.

Now guys, hand over some of the cash you make selling your holiday story to me, Ill spend it on worthy causes......

Kevin Godlington - Sunday

Kevin Godlington found reinacting Lawrence of Arabia, how gay.

2007-04-06T03:33:00.000-07:00

OK, this is too much. Aside from being pegged to write, contribute, manage this Blog I also feel duty bound to share my bewilderment at finding pictures popping up on YouTube of Kev G. Whilst I am told by Kevin that its an old photo of desert bayonet training (is that what they call it in the British Army these days) I can't help but wonder why men need to strip to the waist and screw their faces up at each other. Unless of course there is more to it!

I think Kev you had an all over tan, pumped up in the gym, got a bunch of guys to pose with you and told everyone you were a soldier. Either way its gay! (don't panic people i have known Kev for many years, he won't have me killed just yet) although I am certain he may be having doubts about my invitation to write on his Blog.

In order to launch this blog properly I feel it only fitting to introduce some of the characters that will be writing here, they will no doubt add Bios at a later date. Topics will be varied and hopefully will the subsequent discussions thereafter.

myself Charlie Berton, US

Samantha Judge, Maxim Radio and Red Eye US

David Whitehouse, freelance writer and author UK

And the other Red Eye crew will no doubt contribute when they are not drunk and have a free 5 minutes.

So welcome and please start blogging. And if you feel generous, buy something or ask someone else to. Its about charity, I think!